Saturday, December 1, 2007

I've Come Too Far To Turn Back Now

You know that feeling you get either in the real world or in a dream where you find yourself in a place where you feel dread and fear all around you. Maybe it's a dark alley on a moonless night, maybe a forest trail as the sun is quickly sinking behind the mountains ~ either way your fight or flight response kicks into overdrive. You have a spit second when you have decide to either turn back or run ahead at breakneck speed. I feel like I have chosen to run ahead ~ but that doesn't mean that the journey is easier.

I think that now that the main fight to get to TCI is over I have relaxed enough to feel how much I am really physically falling apart at the seams. In two months I will be in recovery mode for a good three months, so now should be a time of kicking up my heels, enjoying life ~ but I am just not up to it! Did I tell you that I tried to mail a letter in the dish washer this week??? SERIOUSLY! The motions are about the same ~ pull the door down, put the letter in and shut it. The only thing different was that my dishwasher has no red flag thing signaling that there's new mail in the box.


lzwitty said...

Use this time to rest up. Don't feel like you have to "live it up" prior to surgery or anything. Of course, if you're having a good day, take advantage of it if you're able but don't feel bad if you do a lot of resting up prior to your surgery. The main thing is just to listen to your body--it always knows what's best. By the way, if you need anything or have any more questions, just give me a holler (that's what we say here in Ky.)

Puglet said...

that should NOT have made me laugh. But it did. Hard.

I think I avoided that feel worse before thing because mine was so quick..but there was an ER visit actually 2 days before surgery because of bunny stomping headache. That one was actually kind of cool, because once they found out I was scheduled for surgery with CONAPH, I was like..ER royalty for the day and got as much Dilaudid as I wanted ;). Was a nice change for me.

Go get some Himalaya/Tibet brochures and put them in the fridge for looking at when you are recovering.

Suzy @ said...

I haven't gotten very far in reading your blog yet, but I have peeked around here and there. I'm sure your a bit scared to have your surgery...I know for a fact that I would be! I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope thats okay? =)

Just stumbled upon your blog through others links. Thank you for your honesty, your integrity and your way of sharing what your feeling. I appreciate reading your words as I suffer from this Chiari stuff. It's definately a different road we travel, isn't it?

Hugs to you...

Caroline said...

Thank-you for the giggle :) I got a kick out of the dishwasher story. I do things like that all the time and I have been saying to wrong word in a sentence so much lately it is ridiculous. My girls think it is so funny.

You need to listen to your body. All the emotional and psychological stress of getting things organized with TCI probably took a bigger toll on you than you realized and now it is hitting you. So take every day as it comes, that's all you can do.



Queli said...

Okay, I totally relate to what you are going through. I had the same thing going on..........fighting to go........then realizing what I was fighting for wasn't going to be the most comfortable part of my life. TCI is great, and I can't express to you enough how little pain cam from surgery. I almost thought I didn't really have it....that they just cut the back of my neck and told me they took part of my brain.
You are in the best hands out there for this here Chiari! I think you will be amazed.
I am so psyched for you!!!!