There's Some Good In this World Worth Fighting For

Yesterday there was a public announcement that Dr. Bolognese ~ neurosurgeon extraordinaire has been reinstated to resume business as usual again ~ This is great news for the Chiari community. I have seen every spectrum of emotions just flooding out of bloggers across the community ~ anger, rage, fear, hopeless, dread, panic ~ I can't tell you how many of you I have talked down from the bridge ~ urging you to keep the faith in TCI ~ lean on the facts and not the feelings. Dr. B is a groundbreaking, incredible doctor ~ those are the facts ~ he has restored my health to 90% and I am forever grateful :)

Something I have learned as a brain surgery survivor and as a chiarian is that when all hope fades and all you can see is darkness enveloping you, this is when faith steps in and shines a light in those dark places. I think we all can stop holding out breaths and breathe a deep sigh of relief. I had my post op f/u appointment today at TCI ~ I have news. but more on that in another post. Just a reminder that no matter what life continues to throw me, there's always something good in this world worth fighting for ~ looking for more brighter days.

Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.

Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

Leeland-Brighter Days Lyrics

Time keeps moving on
Through the sunshine and the storm
And my dreams are set in stone
And someday I’ll be who I want to be
For now I’ll wait
For the sun to shine again
And for now I’ll wait
For the rain to pass away

And I’m looking for the brighter days
When all my hurts seem to fade away
I’m looking for the brighter days to come my way

Faces come and faces go
But none seem to look my way
And walls have stood and walls have fallen
But my heart seems to wait
For now I’ll sit at the end of the road
And for now I’ll wait
At the end of the pathway

I’ll see the sun one day shine upon me
I’ll see the sun one day
And watch the night time turn to morning
But for now it all comes back around

Ducks In A Row????

The last 24 hours have been an emotional roller coaster. I sent off my short term disability info to be filled out for my upcoming surgery and found out that the RN who is taking care of my case at TCI is out of the office. Ok ~ I can roll with that ~ sent my info along to the person who is covering for her. I received an heart attack worthy e-mail yesterday that basically said that they couldn't fill out my paperwork, because I had not seen a doc at TCI in over 6 months. GULP!!!!

Needless to say I had a moment or two of panic last night. Holy HEAT ~ does this mean they might cancel my surgery??? They specifically told me that I didn't need another appt before my surgery ~ OI!!! So I fired off an e-mail with all kinds of questions for said representative asking what can I do to remedy this problem. This morning I received a call from TCI. I recognized the area code on the caller ID at once. Before answering the phone I took a deep breath and just turned over the whole situation to God. Seriously ~ what else could I do?

So it turns out, the woman I spoke to didn't even know that I was scheduled for surgery in 21 days ~ she couldn't even locate my file!!!! So I filled her in on the details and what was going on with my case. ~ sigh ~ I even offered to find the paperwork that was filled out earlier in the year for my detethering so that she can duplicate the info on the current forms. I feel so for everyone who works at TCI. They seemed so over worked and under appreciated. I know their patient load is hard to keep up with. So, for now, the train seems to have avoided a derailment. I just hope they locate my file before I get there so that there isn't any confusion.

Earlier today I was listening to a song I first heard when I was in college ~ Higher Ways by Steven Curtis Chapman. Again, the lyrics really touched me, softened my heart and changed my attitude that had become bitter last night.

Take a listen for yourself and see if it has the same effect on you ~

If I could only fly

I'd go up and look down from the sky

So I could see the bigger picture

And Lord if I could sit with You

At Your feet for an hour or two

I'm sure I'd ask too many questions

'Cause there's so much going on down here

That I must confess I just don't understand

But I have prayed

And at your feet my whole life has been laid

So I wont worry I wont be afraid

'Cause my soul is resting on Your higher ways

Let the road ahead become unclear

I am Yours so what have I to fear

If my soul is resting on Your higher ways

CHORUS

Your higher ways teach me to trust You

Your higher ways are not like mine

Your higher ways are the ways of the Father

Hiding His children in His love

So let it rain

And if my eyes grow dim with tears of pain

This hope I have will not be washed away

'Cause my soul is resting on Your higher ways

Maybe then You will take me aside

And show me the bigger picture

But until I'm with You

I'll be here with a heart that is true

And a soul that's resting on Your higher ways