Fingerprints of God

My oldest daughter, Hannah, turns TWELVE today ~ it seems like only yesterday when she came into this world. Just the fact that I have been chosen to be a mother is a miracle! You see, my doctors had told me for years prior to my pregnancy that getting pregnant would be close to impossible. I had a miscarriage prior to Hannah, John and I were completely devastated! How could I possibly bear to hope again. Then it happened...

I was driving home from work on an ordinary day ~ the radio was on and I was going over a list of things to do in my mind ~ then I heard a voice. The voice said in a firm but loving voice ~

"You are pregnant ~ do you believe?"

Thinking I was hearing things, I turned off the radio and listened..again, I heard the same question,

"You are pregnant ~ do you believe?"

Steadying my voice, I said out loud ~

"I BELIEVE!"

Then I laughed out loud ~ What an awesome God ~ knowing that I was brokenhearted He had sent one of his messengers to deliver the good news to me. To test my faith even more, a couple of weeks later when it came time to take a pregnancy test ~ it was NEGATIVE. I smiled and replayed the voice in my head ~ Do you believe? Of course I do! The next month, when I had a positive test and a visit from my doc I found out that I was indeed NINE weeks pregnant already.

The song below is dedicated to Hannah ~ from the very second I learned that I would be her mom, I knew that she would be covered with the fingerprints of God.

Fingerprints of God ~ Steven Curtis Chapman

I can see the tears filling your eyes
And I know where they're coming from
They're coming from a heart that's broken in two
By what you don't see
The person in the mirror
Doesn't look like a magazine
Oh but when I look at you
It's clear to me

That I can see the fingerprints of God
When I look at you
I can see the fingerprints of God
And I know it's true
You're a masterpiece that all creation
Quietly applauds
And you're covered with
The fingerprints of God

Never has there been and never again
Will there be another you
Fashioned by God's hand and perfectly planned
To be just who you are
And what He's been creating
Since the first beat of your heart
Is a living, breathing
Priceless work of art

And I can see the fingerprints of God
When I look at you
I can see the fingerprints of God
And I know it's true
You're a masterpiece that all creation
Quietly applauds
And you're covered with
The fingerprints of God

Just look at you
You're a wonder in the making
And God's not through
In fact, He's just getting started!

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me

I have found it particularly difficult to get into the Christmas spirit this year. All things considered, it's only been three weeks today since I became a zipperhead! This morning when I arose, it dawned on me ~ what is the real spirit of Christmas? The answer is painfully clear ~ the birth of the Lord's only Son ~ JESUS. Personally, I know if it were not for my faith and belief in Jesus I probably wouldn't be sitting here blogging today. Faith and prayers continue to heal me from the inside ~ out. Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas. May you have a renewing of strength and hope this Christmas season.

Psalm 139 New International Version (NIV)

1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.

Happy Anniversary

Today is my 14th wedding anniversary ~ seems like only yesterday ~ I still remember the day this picture was taken back in 1992. I recall thinking how in the world did I find this amazing man in Lubbock, TX of all places. Some say that a picture is better than a thousand words ~ if it weren't for the incredible brain fog I am having today I would ramble on about something quite sappy ~ There are so many things I would like to say but the words just aren't finding their way on here.

Say

I recently saw the movie ~ The Bucket List. John Mayer wrote a song for the movie, SAY. The song is catchy, but the lyrics have stuck with me ~ playing over and over in my mind. With the arrival of summertime and the unstable weather that has descended upon NY, the return of my headaches is a constant reminder that life is short and not a minute should be wasted.

I often find my mind wandering back in time ~ thinking about roads I wish I would have gone down ~ made different choices ~ wish I had taken more chances and said what was on my heart. I know that there are books ~ volumes of books stored up in my mind of things I wish I had said and didn't. But now ~ since the birth of this blog and the connections with people I have made through my ramblings here ~ I find myself sharing more and more of myself ~ speaking from my heart. I can't help it ~ life is too short not to connect on a heart level.

So, with that said, I encourage you to say what you need to say ~ heal broken relationships ~ muster up the courage and let your heart speak for you.

SAY ~ John Mayer

Take out of your wasted honor

Every little past frustration

Take all of your so called problems

Better put them in quotations

Say what you need to say (8x)

Walking like a one man army

Fighting with the shadows in your head

Living out the same old moment

Knowing you'd be better off instead

If you could only Say what you need to say (8x)

Have no fear for giving in

Have no fear for giving over

You better know that in the end its better to say too much

Than to never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking

And your faith is broken

Even as the eyes are closing

Do it with a heart wide open Why?

Say what you need to say (25x)

Steve and Me

I just read Steve and Me by Terri Irwin. You can click on this link and read an excerpt. Reading about their love story and their life together was neat. Steve received all kinds of negative media and I believe that he was greatly misunderstood.

While I was reading about all the stories I could visually see them as I remembered episodes of the Crocodile Hunter. What an amazing, passionate man who did amazing things to educate people about wildlife preservation. When I got to the point in the book where Terri received news of his death I felt sad all over again like he had just passed away.

Now that Steve has passed along his family continues to be wildlife warriors. There is still so much going on at the Australia Zoo ~ Steve's exuberance lives on in those who loved him.

Two Days In; and the Request

Wow. Tough blog to start. Hi, I'm Lacie's friend Erica. She's written about me, I've blogged about her a few times. I wanted to tell you all I hacked in to Little Lacie's site, inciting marvel and admiration for my sleek and felonious computer skills. Truth is, Little Lace gave me Guest Blogger rights so I could entertain you while she's laying around drinking water and eating rolls all day.

I can't tell you all how thankful I am to God that Little Lacie of the Enormous Brain has gotten through the first of her three procedures. I can't tell you how thankful I am for this medium so that John can just type updates, load 'em in, and - magic - we all know how our friend is doing.

We have all been privileged to read and be part of this tiny little woman's incredible journey. Out of her generosity, and let's face it, her need to make sense of this whole process, she let us in. I've known her for, I don't know, maybe 8 years and the way she has carried herself throughout has been an inspiration to me. Me, I'm too big a baby. I recently experienced a debilitating karaoke injury (I will write about this on my own site later) and do nothing but hobble around wincing at the pain in my calf. I have considered going to the doctor to try to get some oxycotin for the pain. Not sure if it's gonna fly.

Today's request/plea though is this: I want us to buy Lacie some fun wigs. She has resoundingly approved of this idea and fully intends to wear whatever we buy her. We can get some lovely things here at a very reasonable price, or you can be more conservative here, but slightly more expensive. While I may look for something in a Scully fashion, I might decide to pander to the extreme geek inside of Lacie and get The Matrix Twins Wig. :) I even considered a skull cap so she could pretend to be Gollum, but didn't think that would be very comfortable.

Here's what I would like you to do: if you want in, if you want to in some small way, help support this beautiful woman who has inspired and moved us, email me at wigs4lacie@yahoo.com. I will coordinate the types of wigs so there is no duplication, tell you where to ship them to make sure they get to Lacie so she can smile and feel your love. If you can't afford a wig, which is cool, email me and I'll collect cards, letters, emails, and love for her and deliver them in a happy package to her door.

Cards and words of encouragement for John would be a great idea too. I know what it's like to have a spouse in the hospital. I know what its like to manage the load at home, caring for the kids, working, rushing to the hospital, sitting by your loved one's side, and worrying all the time and trying not to show it.

Let's show Lacie and her family how much she has touched our lives, while she Lives Loves and Laughs.

Let's Call This One A Speed Bump

Call me crazy ~ but I really don't see what the big deal is! This first surgery is just like a kinda big speed bump compared to the big bad brain surgery. A "warm up" to the big dance ~

This weekend was filled with time spent with friends. Walks ~ meals ~ movies ~ prayers ~ and lots of phone calls. I am profoundly amazed at the outpouring over Lil ole me ~ Seriously ~ thanks to all of you who have reached out to me ~ feels good to be facing surgery knowing that there are a lot of prayers being lifted up for me.

My last day at work is tomorrow before my extended leave for the Chiari Spa! Feels so weird tying up loose ends ~ passing the baton. I am so blessed to work with some amazing people ~ they were there when the now infamous phone call came in ~ breaking the news to me that I had something in my brain called a Chiari Malformation. They have seen me at my worst and yet they can still joke around with me about blaming everything on the brain tail. Seriously ~ I love all of you guys (and girl) ~ your support has meant the world to me and has really eased this journey for me. Even though I'll be out of the office I will be lurking on-line ~ I expect a good flow of IM's from the 'green room' team ~ or I will threaten to send you guys left over brain tail bits and pieces ~ TRUE STORY!

Gotta finish up packing tonight ~ how do I pack for a stay at the hospital ~ kinda silly if you ask me. I am sure I will be wearing the uber luxurious hospital gowns the entire time I am there!

The Dash

A friend of mine sent me this poem/movie yesterday and I just had to share and pass it along! The Dash expresses the simple truths of our purpose here on earth.

"What matters is how we live and love."

Enjoy the vid and if it's too small ~ here's the link where it will show full screen. I hope this brings you a renewed perspective on your life! http://www.thedashpoemmovie.com/

Love Thy Neighbor

So ~ we got our first nor'easter of the winter season today. I don't know the official measurement, but at last count we were over six inches ~ not too shabby for a pre-Christmas snow. As an added bonus ~ we are getting a huge snow storm on Sunday which will make today's storm look like a small blip on the radar.

So ~ it took me twice as long to drive home today due to the snow and ice on the road ~ not to mention the morons out there who just don't know how to drive on snow. Anyway, after I got home I warmed up, put on my snow shoveling clothes and headed out to tackle the driveway. First thing I noticed when I stepped outside ~ with shovel in hand ~ is that my neighbor across the street was using a snow blower to clear his driveway.

He was having a bonding moment with his daughter, teaching her the finer skills of snow blowing. A passing thought went through my mind, maybe this neighbor of mine will volunteer to at least help me move the super heavy, snow plow snow from the bottom of the driveway. He never even acknowledged me at all. After his driveway was completely clear of even a speck of snow, while whistling, he finished up the task with throwing a good level of salt on the driveway to prevent icing during the night. He neatly put his snow blower away in the garage, closed the door and that was it.

I could be bitter about the whole situation ~ but you know what ~ I am sorry for the guy that he missed out on a great opportunity to teach his daughter a lesson about random acts of kindness. I know that one day when I finally have a snow blower, if I saw someone slaving away with drifts of snow I will be sure to help them out. Love thy neighbor ~ it's a hard commandment to keep when you have a clueless neighbor.

HUGS

I saw this a while ago, Hug Someone Campaign. I was deeply moved by the effect it had on me ~ mostly because I am not a super huggy person by nature. From a very tender age, I've had personal space and intimacy issues. In the brain of a two year old, I learned very early on that when you hug on your big brother then they get killed by a horse. What kind of sense does that make now? It's completely ludicrous, I know, but survival skills are tough ~ they get emblazoned in our minds ~ our autopilot accepts them and they are very hard to purge!

So ~ after many hours of therapy, long talks with God and oceans of tears, I finally came to grips with the truth that hugging someone you love won't cause them to drop dead. TRUE STORY. OK ~ so I've given myself a reality check, but that still didn't make me instantly affectionate with others ~ it's a slow process. I've thought about this a lot lately mostly, because when I am in pain and struggling I push people away and pull back ~ I see the autopilot kicking in again. Survival ~ distance ~ set apart ~ detach ~ Most the time I feel that if I do let anyone in, allow them to comfort me or offer support, I just might melt into a puddle of tears.

OK ~ so why I can't I let myself fall apart from time to time??? I already feel like I have no control over myself anyway ~ the brain tail has totally taken over and I am grappling with trying to maintain some kind of control. I can hear you now, screaming at the computer

"you are a freaking delusional lunatic!!!"

I know I am ~ and I'm working on it already ~ My point is, we all need hugs for survival, SURVIVAL ~ So ~ here's my challenge 2 u ~ hug someone today ~ anyone ~ and I will do the same, because you know, we are ALL struggling in some area of our lives ~ either physically, emotionally, spiritually.

Make sure to watch this video below ~ it's awesome!

Into the Day

Random acts of kindness are greatly underrated ~ Today, first thing this morning, I fired off an e-mail to my potential genealogist's office with the information they had requested. In the e-mail I briefly explained my situation again, mentioned that determining if I have EDS was a matter of life or death. I kindly asked for someone to acknowledge receipt of the e-mail. Jaded by bad experiences in the past, I didn't have any expectations for a reply for at least a week. What happened next brought tears to my eyes.

Eleven minutes later, I received a response ~ the medical secretary thanked me for sending in my info and told me that she had already handed off the info to the powers that be in the office. She continued by saying that if I needed anything else to please call her. Some of you may be thinking,

"What's the big deal ~ there's nothing remarkable about her response!"

To me, her quick response and willingness to help me were like a warm embrace. I have been pitted up against so many rude, callused, inconsiderate, arrogant people recently I just turn into a puddle of tears when someone is nice to me. I replied back and let her know how much her kind words meant to me and she told me that they would be calling me soon with an update!

The art of practicing random acts of kindness still exist today ~ the woman I communicated with today didn't do anything special, but she was compassionate and I really appreciated it!

Into the Light ~ Bebo Norman

You could turn a hundred years and never empty all your fears
They’re pouring out like broken words and broken bones
They could fill a thousand pages, be the cry for all the ages
And the song for every soul who stands alone

The ache of life is more than you are able

Hold on love, don’t give up
Don’t close your eyes
The light is breaking through the night

Step out into the day, all the clouds and all the rain are gone
It’s over now
Step out into the sun, for you have only begun to know
What it’s all about
As the hungering dark gives way to the dawn, my love
It’s over now

Time will let the story told grow and grow ‘til it unfolds
In a way that even you cannot ignore
You can say the seasons change but never if you just remain
In a place where the freeze is at your door

What you don’t know is the signs are right for the turning tide

Hold on, hold on
It won’t be long
So hold on

Up To The Mountain

Today is the day ~ driving into work this morning the streets were shrouded by an early morning fog. The imagery mirrors my path ~ veiled in fog with street lamps along the way to keep me on the path. At this point, I don't know quite what to expect as I prepare to meet surgeon #5 ~ I just want him to take action ~ hear me out ~ schedule surgery ~ let's get the show on the road already!

My sister made me a birthday CD mix last week ~ this song instantly brought tears to my eyes ~ it echoes my journey ~ plodding up the mountain ~ the journey is hard ~ but with perseverance I will reap the benefits of the breathtaking view on the summit. It reminds me that I am not alone ~ some days are harder than others ~ but my friends and family give me the strength and courage to keep going. I first heard this song when Kelly Clarkson sang it ~ both versions are beautiful ~

Up To The Mountain ~ Patty Griffin

I went up to the mountain
Because you asked me to
Up over the clouds
Where the sky was blue
I could see all around me
Every, Everywhere
I could see all around me
Everywhere

Sometimes I feel like
I've never been nothing but tired
And I'll be working
Till the day I expire
Sometimes I lay down
No more can I do
But then I go on again
Because you asked me to

Some days I look down
Afraid, afraid I will fall
And though the sun shines
I see nothing at all
Then I hear your sweet voice
Come and then go
Telling me softly
You love me so

Anniversary ~ With Many More to Come

I was entering my senior year in college ~ I had all but given up on love. I had my sights set on graduation and figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. I wasn't one of those people who had spent hours dreaming about what my wedding would be like some day ~ I didn't have any detailed plans for the future ~ I left lots of wiggle room for spontaneity and divine intervention. God had lead me thus far and I was willing to go where He directed me.

I was set up on a date for homecoming ~ I swore that it was the very last blind date that I would go on ~ When love was right, it would find me ~ I didn't want to waste any more time looking. Well ~ love walked into my life that night and decided to stay a lifetime. We got married a little over 2 years later ~ on this day thirteen years ago.

I can't remember what life was like before I met the love of my life ~ he is my rock, partner in crime, sounding board, the one who found a part of me that I just couldn't find. I thank the Lord for leading me to him.

I will be true to the promise I have made ~ To you and to the One who gave you to me

TEX ROBERTSON ~ May His Zeal For Life Live On

Tex Robertson 1909-2007 ~ passed away yesterday. I just got word of his passing late this afternoon. I am awestruck by the outpouring of love to Tex and his family that he has left behind. The man has touched millions of lives and made them smile. I am thankful that his passing happened after all of the camp terms were complete ~ what a blessing. There is a memorial service for Tex being held at Camp Longhorn this Saturday afternoon ~ if I didn't live so far away I would be there in a heartbeat. The gathering will be of thousands ~ I am sure ~ for just the population of campers, counselors and alumni alone could fill up Inks Lake Camp.

I posted earlier in the year a post about Camp Longhorn ~ without camp I would be a completely different person ~ seriously. Tex Robertson set the tone for camp more than 65 years ago (1939)~ celebrate life ~ today is a great day and I feel great! ~ life is punny ~ a positive attitude is contagious ~ friends made at camp are friends for life ~ make the best of every situation life throws you ~ Camp Longhorn is a timeless place ~ a place where everybody is somebody ~ a place I call home.

Tex has given so much of himself to the campers and counselors at CLH ~ he knew each and every one of us by name. I will remember him forever ~ especially the time he came to campfire as Dr. Schwartz ~ he drove the station wagon right into the campfire stage ~ then proceeded to get bitten several times by the snakes he was handling ~ he was bleeding all over the place but didn't even notice because he was having so much fun. Tex, may your joy and zeal for life carry on in those whose lives you touched. We will miss you ~

Here are some of the articles posted about Tex:
Tex
Former Texas Swim Coach Tex Robertson Dies At the Age of 98
Tex tribute on Camp Longhorn Site
Former Men's Swimming and Diving Coach passes way
Tex Robertson, camp founder and ex-swim coach, dies


Associated Press quoted Governor Rick Perry as saying: "Tex Robertson was a Texas original whose personal integrity and commitment to children touched countless lives. His legacy will live on in the hearts of thousands of campers and counsellors who were forever impacted by their time at Camp Longhorn."


"... making friends for the world to see...if your friends are there everything is all right.."

A Lot Like Love

I stumbled upon a sleeper of a film ~ A Lot Like Love last night ~ I stayed up until 1am watching it. What is it about summertime when curfews don't really exist. The sun goes down and time stands still. Reminds me of summertime when I was in high school ~ I was a movie watching junkie!

I have decided that I need to watch a romantic comedy a week ~ I watch way too many shows about crime, violence and death ~ The Closer, CSI, Medium ~ you get the picture. I definitely need to balance myself with more laughter and sappy moments.

Kutcher and Peet were electric on screen. They had a rhythm together like they had know one another their whole lives. What I loved about the plot of the film was that each character could be their goofy selves around one another. Sharing laughter and tears through the years ~ they always seemed to pick up where they left off last time they were together. Loved their spontaneity and willingness to be real with one another ~ One of my favorite scenes was one where they were eating dinner and not speaking ~ but definitely communicating. You will just have to see it for yourselves.

Quiet Reflections

A couple of days have gone by ~ I have had time to digest "Give me the clay!" The world around me is always spinning so fast (literally) and the noise level is indescribable ~ a not so pleasant side effect from my rouge brain tail. I shouldn't complain, most people with Chiari report hearing loss ~ but then again, have I EVER done anything normally?

My point I am trying to make ~ I find myself bombarded by loud noises and can't seem to find the volume knob to tune it down a little bit. It's hard to even hear the thoughts inside my head. So, yesterday, I slipped away and went for a long walk along the river. My iPod was set to play my inspirational mix ~ I was starting to digest the meaning of the message I had gotten this week.

Something I have learned is that the messages don't come without a sense of urgency. There is a message I need to be receiving, NOW. They come with hidden and obvious meanings. This time ~ I didn't have any clay in my hands at the time of the message and I don't even own any clay ~ so I am leaning heavily on the hidden message within.

The most obvious place to start when I get a message from God is his book, The Bible. When I got home I looked up some verses about clay ~ these are some of the verses that resonated:

2 Corinthians 4:7 We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. [ Greek We now have this treasure in clay jars.] This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

Isaiah 64:8 And yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand.

Translation ~ relevant to my life ~ I have been formed just the way God intended to ~ rogue brain tails, over abundant collagen gene mutations, connective tissue disorders, cranial settling, tight filum terminale ~ to name a few. Light shining in my heart ~ I could use more of that ~ bring it on. These passages give me a moment of peace, knowing that I am right where I should be ~ nothing more or less ~ just please don't ask me to make a clay pot for you ~ how about a lump of clay?

He Aint Heavy, He's My Brother

I was a little sister, an only child and a big sister within the span of my first four years. How can this be, you ask? Well, my big brother, Trey, affectionately known by me as "Bubba", received a fatal kick in the head by a horse out in a Texas pasture on March 4th in 1973. I was only two and a half at the time, but I was there on that field that day, I saw everything happening in slow motion before my eyes. My photographic memory captured that moment and I can still see the scene unfolding before me like it happened today.

A part of me also died on the field that day, but his spririt lives on in me. My life has been profoundly shaped by losing my brother at such a tender age. I always wonder how life would have been different if Trey hadn't died so long ago. Would I have chosen different paths in life? It has taken me several decades to make my peace with God for taking my brother from me. I know that it was part of the bigger plan ~ my faith is strong, because it is the only thing that helped me to survive the earth shattering grief!

This year, on July 9th, Trey would have been celebrating his 40th birthday. Thirty four years have passed since he left this earth and yet I still celebrate Trey's life every year. Recently, I have felt his presence nearby when I have been downtrodden and discouraged. I can almost see his face break into a boyish grin, I can hear his belly laugh ~ his faith in me is strong! He encourages me to run a good race in this life. He knows how tough the road ahead of me is ~ but he breaks into a smile and tells me that brain surgery ~ spinal surgery ~ compared to everything I have endured already ~ no sweat ~ I can handle it and it will me make me stronger for being a survivor.

Knowing that Trey is up in heaven, waiting for me to join him one day, makes the burdens here on earth not so heavy. This song is bittersweet for me ~ everytime I hear it, I think of my brother.

"He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother"

The road is long, with many a winding turn

That leads us to who knows where, who knows where

But I'm strong, strong enough to carry him

He ain't heavy - he's my brother

So on we go, his welfare is my concern

No burden is he to bare, we'll get there

For I know he would not encumber me

He ain't heavy - he's my brother

If I'm laden at all, I'm laden with sadness

That everyone's heart isn't filled with gladness of love for one another

It's a long long road from which there is no return

While we're on our way to there, why not share

And the load, it doesn't weigh me down at all

He ain't heavy - he's my brother

He ain't heavy - he's my brother,

he's my brother, he's my brother

May God Hold You in the Palm of His Hands

I had a humbling moment yesterday after I spoke with my insurance company about the possibilities of three surgeries down the road. My case manager shared with me that she has a son that had decompression surgery when he was two. What are the odds that my case manager would even know what a Chiari Malformation is much less a personal connection!?!

I relate well to visions in my head and the vision of God holding a baby sparrow in the palm of His hands came to mind. He does take care of the most minute detail in my life that continues to reaffirm me that I am being taken care of in every way possible.

William Emmett Dawson ~ May 2, 2007

Welcome to the Planet

Last night, around 7:30pm, I had just gotten off the phone with my Mom. She was giving me the latest update on my sister's labor progress or lack thereof. Things were progressing at a snails pace ~ I was really torn ~ wanting to be there with her, but knowing there was nothing I could do to make the journey to motherhood easier.

All of my life, nature has spoken to me when I needed a sign that God was totally in charge of the situation. I turned my gaze upon the back yard and low and behold, I found myself staring back at a beautiful male cardinal. He sang his song and looked right back at me. I knew in that moment that everything was going to be ok. Then, a song came on the radio ~ with these lyrics:

Welcome to the planet

Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?

How appropriate and true these words were! This morning I became an aunt and very soon I will meet my nephew!