NCB ~ Simply ~ The BEST

Our North Colonie Pee Wee Large cheer team competed at the Eastern Regional competition last weekend in Trenton, NY. Our cars were covered in shoe polish with NORTH COLONIE BISON. The top two teams go on to compete at the National level in Florida, Walt Disney World. Last year we missed going to Nationals by TWO points.

After the NY competitions were done we had three weeks to totally re-choreographed our routine to kick it up a notch so that we would have a shot at placing in the top two.. We threw in one legged stunts ~ liberties, arabesques and a heal stretch. Practices were long and tiring, but the girls rose above all the sicknesses that plagued our squad and made it work.

When it came time for us to take the floor and practice one last time before performing ~ confidence was shaken to the core for Hannah. The noise level in the arena was high ~ the girls couldn't even hear us shouting out the eight counts to walk through their routine. For whatever reason Hannah's stunt group didn't get her up and there wasn't a second chance to practice again. Our team was ushered off the practice mats and we got in line to perform. Emotions were running high ~ there was electricity in the air with anticipation of performing our 2:30 minute cheer/dance.

Us coaches were getting the girls pumped up ~ wishing them good luck and getting ready to say goodbye to them before their performance. I glanced over at Hannah and saw her tear streaked face ~ she was totally devastated ~ she was shaken and I had to find a way to get her past defeat and focused on the huge task at hand. She is a flyer this year and goes up in the air a couple of times during the routine. If her confidence didn't come back and quickly it would have spelled disaster for the routine.

I rushed over to embrace her ~ looked in her red eyes and told her she was going to nail her performance ~ shake off the feeling of inadequacy and make it work. I stepped away from her to let the other coaches swoop in to boost her up, too. She got the water works flowing for me and I had to turn away to hide my tears from the rest of the team. We said goodbye and took our places in the tunnel where the coaches wait until our team takes the floor. What a nerve wracking 30+ minutes we waited!

When our NC Bison took the floor we were ushered to the coaches box to watch them perform. We all held hands tightly ~ my heart was beating a million beats a second ~ I said another prayer ~ took a deep breath and waited for them to begin. When our girls spirited onto the floor I could see their smiles and their energy was bubbly ~ they had taken the floor to give it their all and they were happy! Their performance was flawless ~ not one bobble ~ all the stunts went up ~ what an answer to prayer. When they were done we all leaped to our feet ~ screaming ~ jumping up and down. Our girls had given it their all ~ and now we waited for the results.

Truthfully, I didn't even want to watch the other teams compete. We had done our best and our fate was in the hands of the judges. When all the teams took the floor for the awards ceremony I had high hopes that we would place,but had no idea if we had done well enough to go to Nationals. When they announced our team as the THIRD PLACE winners it was bittersweet ~ yeah we missed the coveted second and first place, but we had competed with a tough competition. There were tears of disappointment, but by the time we left the arena our girls filed out with smiles on their faces and heads held high.

Not until a couple of days later did we find out what the other team's scores were ~ that's when our third place win became even more bittersweet ~ we missed Disney by one third of a point!! That's 0.333333333 ~ Last year we came in FOURTH ~ this year THIRD ~ next year ~ DISNEY.

Here Lizard, Lizard, Lizard

There was a passel of lizards in my dream last night ~ clearly they were trying to deliver a message. I looked up their animal totem meaning to give me insight and here is what I found.

• Lizard totem tells me to listen to my own intuition above anyone else's.
• It can show me how to break from the past by letting go of old ideas or negative behaviors which endanger my growth.
• Lizards are experts a subtle perception.
• Lizards reveal hidden messages through the dream state.
• They prompt the energy of change.

Ufff ~ what an intense message ~ looks like I need to start writing down my dreams no matter how bizarre they might be! Also, interesting that a lizard can lose it's tail and grow another one in it's place ~ hopefully I won't grow a brain tail again. Speaking of sleep and dreaming I am finally beginning to dream again and it's getting a wee bit easier to fall asleep. I think I just need to be patient with the whole healing process. I wonder how long it's going to take before my brain has found a happy medium.

Kilimanjaro

A very wise chiari friend of mine told me that when she was getting ready to have her brain decompressed she planned her dream vacation. That way, when she was feeling miserable she would have something to look forward to. She suggested that I do the same. The task at hand is harder than it might sound. All of the 'road blocks' immediately come to mind trying to squash my dream like an unwelcome bug before it's come to life! Where will I come up with the money for a trip? How will I take the time off? Will I ever be healed enough to do what I want to do?

One of my dreams is to summit Mt Kilimanjaro. I was intrigued when I read Seven Summits a couple of years ago. I am fascinated that you start out in the rain forest and end up in Arctic like conditions on the summit. The book I am reading, Learning to Breathe, Alison Wright, the author's dream when she is recovering is to summit Mt Kilimanjaro on her 40's birthday. Just the other day I saw the story about Ann Curry climbing Kilimanjaro, too ~ coincidence? So ~ yeah ~ Kilimanjaro's on the list. I guess the biggest question is who can I wrangle to go with me on the journey? Any volunteers?

Reality Check

What happens when you actually pick up the phone and dial a phone number? Well, hopefully you will reach a live person on the other end ~ if not there's a message asking you to leave your number so someone can call you back at their earliest convenience. Stick with me, the brain tail has been beating up on me today and I can't brain 2day I have the dumb!

Procrastinating aside ~ I called TCI today ~ they called me right back and now I have an official surgery date for the brain tail renovation ~ DECEMBER 3, 2008. I know it's the right decision, because the moment I hung up the phone I felt a great weight just lift off my shoulders ~ and ~ my co-workers all commented that there was something seriously wrong with me because I was so happy to have scheduled surgery! Answered prayers have a tendency of making me grin from ear to ear ~ can't help myself ~ God is good and in charge ~ so all is good.

Then, to top it all off, I connected with one of my Everest heroes on FB today ~ Seriously ~ did someone leave a giant window open in the universe today? I guess I have come to realize that we are all people, struggling to find our way on this planet ~ all searching for something to give our lives more meaning. So ~ sooooo not comprehending how kindred hearts are connected on this planet, but I know that I am learning to go with the flow. There are dreams out there to chase and I need to get started!

After all the I WANT TO BELIEVE hype I hope you haven't been disappointed in my lack of posting about what I thought about the movie. I am working on it ~ just still putting all my thoughts together ~ but I am getting close. More later ~ brain tail trying to make an emergency exit out of the back of my head ~ calling it a day. Wait a minute ~ is it really August 1st tomorrow?!

These Are the Signs of Life

I awoke from an intense dream this morning. In my dream a good friend of mine was really upset and crying ~ she told me that someone very dear to her had passed away. When I woke up my heart was heavy and I was planning on e-mailing my friend as soon as I had a cup of coffee to make sure that she was OK. To my surprise, she beat me to the punch ~ there was an e-mail from her already in my inbox! Sadly, she was e-mailing me from a funeral of a good friend. JTM ~ sending you a big hug across the miles!

You might have read in earlier posts that I have a hard time getting to sleep. It's hard to turn my brain off ~ I believe that my brain tail is to blame most of the time. I have learned to follow up on dreams that pull at my heartstrings. As demonstrated this morning, there's a reason why people show up in my dreams. No wonder I am so exhausted in the morning! I have a theory that other people with Chiari malformations are also ultra sensitive to other's emotions ~ no matter how far away they might be. I know that no one in the medical community would verify this, but I have come to know that the brain tail isn't all that bad!

What a beautiful day it was today! While I was walking along the river I saw signs of life everywhere ~ munks (chipmunks), caterpillars, baby robins, geese, ducks ~ and some of the trees were beginning to bud, too! Much to my surprise, I have sun kissed shoulders to prove that I spent more than an hour under the blue skies and brilliant sun this afternoon.

I was checking out the site meter on my blog and was amazed how many hits I got last night after the re-airing of the Extreme Makeover about the Carter Family. I usually get about 40 visitors on the site a day and just in the three hours after the show aired I got 150 hits. Today so far I have about 111 hits. I am beyond thrilled that education about Chiari Malformations is getting out there ~ being educated about the disease is half the battle. Even though I don't agonize and blog daily about the pains of having a brain tail I am always thinking of those of you out there that also have Chiari. Remember, I still have my brain tail, but it's just not beating up on me as bad as before the detethering.

Walk By Faith

I was under the impression that after surgery the path would be clear ~ I was so wrong. Just a little reminder to me that Christ is in charge of my life and not me. I couldn't be more confused ~ it may be because of the haze of morphine ~ but still ~ what am I supposed to be doing right now?

TCI told me yesterday that I should expect to be out of work for a total of THREE MONTHS! Are you kidding me? I am already frustrated to be trapped inside of a weak body ~ my mind getting more clear every day and I have delusions of grandour of me running again ~ just going to have to hold onto that dream for a while. Meanwhile ~ I have to keep reminding myself that I have to continue to walk by faith and my path will be revealed.

Walk By Faith ~ Jeremy Camp

Will I believe you when you say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to RID my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With the one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

yeah, yeah , yeah, yeah, ya

well i will walk by faith
even when i cannot see
because this broken road
prepares your will for me

Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
(Repeat)
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Hallelujah, hallelu


I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith,
I will walk by faith
I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith,
I will walk by faith
I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith,
I will walk by faith
I will walk by faith
I will walk,I will walk
Faith
I will walk, I will walk by faith

This broken road bears your will for me ~

Armadillo

What do you do when an armadillo shows up in your dream? Random ~ I know ~ but not so random considering I am a Native Texan and I am the proud owner of an armadillo purse! Until I looked up some info on these prehistoric looking creatures I never knew there were so many types of them. I am pretty certain that I have only seen one species ~ the nine banded armadillo which happens to be the state small mammal of Texas.

I remember seeing a special about bizarre facts about animals and the armadillo was mentioned. This is absolutely fascinating ~

"Although breeding occurs in July, the embryo remains in a dormant state until
November. Four young are born in a burrow in March. All four young, always of
the same sex, are identical quadruplets and developed from the same egg. They even share a single placenta while in the womb. Armadillos are the only mammals
in which multiple young form from a single egg with any regularity. "

This post is random ~ I know ~ but I have a point. I looked up the meaning of the armadillo totem and it symbolizes boundaries, being grounded and self protection. I could use a good dose of being grounded and protected!

Dream It Anyway

God is great but sometimes life ain't good ~

I am reading a book (The Climb of My Life ~ Kelly Perkins) right now about a woman who had a heart transplant at age 35! She went from being a vibrant, athletic young woman to a patient waiting for a new heart in a blink of an eye. At some point in time while she was waiting for a new heart she looked at herself in the mirror ~ really looked at herself and when she did, she had to grab the bathroom counter to steady herself.

She hardly recognized the reflection in the mirror! The most shocking thing that she noticed was that her smile had been broken and she knew in that moment that she desperately wanted it back! Her lost smile and dreams helped fuel her forward to recovery.

Dreams are powerful and not to be taken lightly. I have to constantly remind myself of this as I wait for my new "head space".

Anyway ~ Martina McBride

You Can Spend Your Whole Life Buildin'
Somethin' From Nothin'
One Storm Can Come And Blow It All Away
Build It Anyway

You Can Chase A Dream
That Seems So Out Of Reach
And You Know It Might Not Ever Come Your Way
Dream It Anyway

[chorus]
God Id Great, But Sometimes Life Ain't Good
When I Pray It Doesn't Always Turn Out Like I Think It Should
But I Do It Anyway
I Do It Anyway

This Worlds Gone Crazy And It's Hard To Believe
That Tomorrow Will Be Better Than Today
Believe It Anyway
You Can Love Someone With All Your Heart
For All The Right Reasons
An In A Moment They Can Choose To Walk Away
Love 'em Anyway

Ambassador Aslan

I am reading the Chronicles of Narnia again. I read the books as a child, but thought they would be a fun, easy read this summer. Since the first movie, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe was released the other six books are in the process of being made into movies, too.

C.S. Lewis is such an incredible story teller. his words are both magical and spiritual. I just finished The Magicians Nephew. Chronologically, it is the first book in the Narnia series. The book tells the tale of how Aslan created Narnia and breathed life into the plant life and animals. It also focuses on how the witch came to Narnia and how a lamp post ended up in the middle of the forest.

But, back to the title of the blog, I want Aslan as my Ambassador. I would take him with me to my doctors appointments. One look at him and I am sure that I would get the green light for surgeries ~ no questions asked. Aslan has been know to put the fear of God into people just by being present. On the other hand, he is a gentle giant. A girl can dream ~ right?

I Lift My Eyes Unto The Hills

A wise friend of mine, having already survived brain surgery, recently gave me some sage advice. She told me to plan a trip to help me get through this rough time and give me something to focus on when I am consumed by the enormity of brain surgeries!

Scotland has always been calling out to me ~ more recently, the Isle of Skye. I have no idea how I am going to make a trip like this happen, but I have faith that everything will come together.

Isle of Wight

Have you ever awakened in the morning and as your brush away the haze of dreams from you face, you find a word or phrase forms on your lips. A stowaway from dreamland has risen to the surface and begs your attention. This happened to me this morning ~ ISLE OF WIGHT ~

Isle of What? Have never heard of it before and what relevance does it have to me at this moment in time? I am a firm believer of memories embedded in our DNA. Perhaps an ancestor of mine lived on the Isle of Wight, hundreds of years ago. It's definitely a possibility.

I did some research on this Isle of Wight ~ was it just made up in my mind or a real place. Turns out, it is a island just south of England. At one point in time ~ the island was connected to England. I did a visual search to to see if I recognized anything from the island and found this neat picture of St. Catherine's Lighthouse. Another point of interest is the Needles ~ The island was inhabited back in The Old Stone Age and has many archaeological sites that are rich in geological history.

Maybe I should add this of place that I want to visit and then maybe more will be revealed.