Monday, November 19, 2007

Tunnel Vision

The last couple of days I have been struck with a tidal wave of emotions ~ I am trying to figure out what I am supposed to do next. I have been on the defensive ~ pleading my case ~ explaining myself to an endless stream of brain docrtors ~ with TCI as my goal all along. I should feel immense relief that there is light at the end of the tunnel ~ that I will be on the road to recovery soon ~ and still I am surrounded by doubt ~ fear ~ struggle! Like a thick fog has decended and shows no sign of lifting. At least I know that I am human!

So ~ the call came in yesterday ~ the surgical scheduler called to give me a surgery date. I totally expected that it would be a good two months down the road, but what I wasn't expecting was two surgery dates ~ almost a month apart. February 1st will be my tethered cord surgery and then on March 7th the decompression ~ yikes!

If there is anyone out there who has gone through the tethered cord surgery ~ I would love to hear what your experience was like ~ this is the surgery that has me rattled the most because of the aloofness of the invisible problem! I am especially interested in those of you that had the occult tethered cord and when they did the surgery there was no doubt that there was some strong tethering going on in there!

Somewhere inside I am relieved to have a date to focus on ~ I can continue to mentally prepare myself for this next journey ~ so weird that on the other side of these surgeries will be "my life after brain surgery" ~ I am praying for a peace that passes all understanding to settle in. I keep having an inner struggle that tells me that I am crazy for insisting of surgery ~ but then again ~I know that God has been here with me every step along the way ~ He is sparing me from permanent damage by doing the procedures now and not waiting ~ His timing is perfect ~ I just have to keep reminding myself of this! Voice of truth speak loud and clear ~


lzwitty said...

I just read your post and I'll be glad to give you all the info., tips, etc. I can think of since I had tethered cord surgery on June 1. My mom is here today to help me clean the house for upcoming Thanksgiving guests on Thursday so I don't have the time now; however, I'll try to post in the next day or two with all the info. I can give you on the surgery. I just wanted to give you the heads up that I'll be helping you with this as much as I can!

lace1070 said...

Thanks Izwitty ~ I think my fear of the unknown is crushing my faith ~ just shoot me an e-mail when you get a chance:

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Hugs to you ~ Lace

Zipperhead said...

I had TCS surgery this year at TCI. Feel free to email me.


By His Grace said...

Lace, I'm enjoying your blog. It is natural to have fears about the unknown, but when the time comes, God will give you the strength. I had an occult type TC for sure, and my surgery was 7.5 hours, which shows just how tethered it was! (Normally, TCS lasts 2.5 to 3 hours). I went to TCI alone for the surgery and I don't recommend that. Anyway, don't let the enemy make you think that just because you have fears, that your faith is less. Like Thomas said, "Lord, I believe. Help me with my unbelief."
God bless you!

Heather said...

I have had the decompression, the fusion, and the tethered cord surgery, each about a year apart from each other. I can totally understand your fears, especially now that you have the okay from your insurance company. Its a reality now! Its been about 6 months since my TC surgery and I feel like I'm still recovering. I had the occult TC and Dr.B said that it was definitely tethered. He could tell by the way it 'bounced' back after it was cut. I'm not sure if you want to hear 'The good, the bad, and the ugly' regarding the surgery, but I can share things from all those categories if you'd like. Or, if you have specific questions, I'd be happy to try to answer them. I'm not as good as you at blogging, but I do have a blog that you are welcome to check out. Its at Please let me know if I can be of any help.