Saturday, July 7, 2007

He Aint Heavy, He's My Brother

I was a little sister, an only child and a big sister within the span of my first four years. How can this be, you ask? Well, my big brother, Trey, affectionately known by me as "Bubba", received a fatal kick in the head by a horse out in a Texas pasture on March 4th in 1973. I was only two and a half at the time, but I was there on that field that day, I saw everything happening in slow motion before my eyes. My photographic memory captured that moment and I can still see the scene unfolding before me like it happened today.

A part of me also died on the field that day, but his spririt lives on in me. My life has been profoundly shaped by losing my brother at such a tender age. I always wonder how life would have been different if Trey hadn't died so long ago. Would I have chosen different paths in life? It has taken me several decades to make my peace with God for taking my brother from me. I know that it was part of the bigger plan ~ my faith is strong, because it is the only thing that helped me to survive the earth shattering grief!

This year, on July 9th, Trey would have been celebrating his 40th birthday. Thirty four years have passed since he left this earth and yet I still celebrate Trey's life every year. Recently, I have felt his presence nearby when I have been downtrodden and discouraged. I can almost see his face break into a boyish grin, I can hear his belly laugh ~ his faith in me is strong! He encourages me to run a good race in this life. He knows how tough the road ahead of me is ~ but he breaks into a smile and tells me that brain surgery ~ spinal surgery ~ compared to everything I have endured already ~ no sweat ~ I can handle it and it will me make me stronger for being a survivor.

Knowing that Trey is up in heaven, waiting for me to join him one day, makes the burdens here on earth not so heavy. This song is bittersweet for me ~ everytime I hear it, I think of my brother.

The road is long, with many a winding turn

That leads us to who knows where, who knows where

But I'm strong, strong enough to carry him

He ain't heavy - he's my brother

So on we go, his welfare is my concern

No burden is he to bare, we'll get there

For I know he would not encumber me

He ain't heavy - he's my brother

If I'm laden at all, I'm laden with sadness

That everyone's heart isn't filled with gladness of love for one another

It's a long long road from which there is no return

While we're on our way to there, why not share

And the load, it doesn't weigh me down at all

He ain't heavy - he's my brother

He ain't heavy - he's my brother,

he's my brother, he's my brother

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi, I found your blog from another Chiari blog. My daughter and son have Chiari too. Your update on your brother brought tears to my eyes. Take care, Sherri