Thursday, January 17, 2008

Clear Path

One of the great wonders of life is that things are never as they appear ~ always in motion ~ constantly morphing into something else. The oceans are the greatest example of the never ceasing thundering motion of the waves. I have drawn great strength and comfort from a handful of songs over the past year and a half. They have been there on the radio like a loyal friend, just when I needed them ~ audibly expressing what I am feeling. Through their steadfast consistency ~ the meaning of the songs have new meaning to me. "I will go through the valley if you want me to..." Maybe it's me that is maturing in my faith ~ in my understanding of WHY I am here on this path ~ this bumpy, dark, twisted and beautiful path through the valley ~ me and my Chiari brain tail.

Ever since I was a little girl ~ that awful day that shook me to the core ~ watching my brother get kicked in the head by a horse ~ watching his spirit leave his body ~ I knew then and there that life was precious and easily taken away. In the same breath, I knew that there was no way I could carry on without drawing strength from Jesus. I also knew that God had big plans for me ~ that He wasn't through with me yet. Throughout life ~ again and again ~ I have been through many hard times ~ struggles; however, there have been a lot of wonderful and happy moments, too! All my life I have wanted to go to Africa and do mission work ~ hopefully some day I will make it there ~ but for now ~ I am here ~ on this path.

As my surgery dates have drawn closer I have had some amazing re-connections with old friends and have made some new ones. If it weren't for my brain tail I would have never met such amazing people who have been blessed with a brain too big for their head. There is no doubt in my mind that God has been present through all of this journey thus far and will continue to walk with me. For those of you who have reached out to me, know that you are all near and dear to my heart ~ kindred souls ~ we will get through this ~ and my wish for you is that you will feel an overwhelming spiritual presence through this journey ~ a peace that passes all understanding ~ a feeling in your heart that you are not alone in this journey!

If You Want Me To ~ Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why you brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I will go through the valley If You want me to

CHORUS: Now I'm not who I was When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my own
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone
So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself And I can't hear
You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to


Anonymous said...

Your words and quotes alway lift my spirits. I am trying to be brave and honor your request to not come until after 2nd recovery but its excrciating but probably right. You are deeply loved, cared for and on my prayers.. Dad

Zipperhead said...

Your post touched my heart. You remain in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Hi, I love your post :-) Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you too. Love, Sherri

Queli said...

So when's your date with Dr B?
We should have scheduled together so we could keep each other company!
Anyhow, I am so excited for you. Although I have some more surgeries to go through, I did find a huge relief with the decompression. You are absolutely in my prayers.
btw- I too want to go on a Mission to Africa!!!! My church back in AZ actually went there just months after my it was still a little early. We'll just have to get a Chiari team together and go someday.