I heard this new Kenny Chesney song today ~ really resonates with me and iterates what I have been thinking lately ~ Don't Blink ~Everything in life has taken on a new and different meaning to me. This summer we took a family portrait for our church directory. During the family photo shoot I found myself wanting the photographer to hurry up ~ I could feel the water works welling up and I didn't know how long I could keep them back. Why, you ask, would taking a family photo make me cry? I'll tell you why ~ because in my mind I was thinking that this could be the last photo we would take together. Brain surgery ~ it's a risky endeavor ~ this time next year things will be very different!
That might have come off a little morbid ~ let me clarify ~ I know from lots of experience that there are certain events in life that forever change who you are ~ brain surgery is going to rock my world ~ there's no getting around that! Things are going to be different ~ but I am praying for changes for the good ~ a new lease on life ~ improvement in quality of life and renewal of strength.
5 comments:
The grief process...what iffing...looking at our life...knowing we will leave it someday...just not today! Please not today! It will be alright. Tears heal...clean us out...make things clear...what we want...who we love...what matters. Soon...very soon...there will be a shift...I can feel it...
Lace - no one comes this close to something this scary and life changing (for better or worse) without having these thoughts. Shortly before my surgery a friend reminded me there is nothing that is put in your path that you and God cannot handle together. It gave me some comfort then, so I try to keep that thought with me as I travel forward in this journey.
I have struggled with just what you are saying. I also think of not only my quest for a fresh liver but also your impending date with the surgeon as sort of like holding a lottery ticket. We buy the ticket because we hope we will win. We can't win if we don't play. You are holding a ticket if you are going to do something about your brain tail.(I imagine a lot of folks don't take that step forward out of fear, just as you describe.)I am holding the ticket too. let's cross our fingers, squinch our eyes tight, and hope with all our might.
Lace--I have an experience I'd like to share. When I had been dating my husband only a week (he was a recent widower at the time) I felt in my heart that he was "the one" but I wasn't completely sure, especially with him losing his wife less than a year before. I prayed for a sign from the Lord and not long after, David commented to me about a day care center where he stayed as a child. I told him I had stayed at the same day care center (not long after, my family moved 40 miles away.) If this were not enough, a few days later, David's mom found a picture from his third birthday party at the day care center. There, in full color, was a picture of him kissing a little girl on the cheek. The little girl, of course, was me. We were engaged a month later and married three months after that. This is only one example of how the Lord has brought me peace. There are so many others. Look to Him and He will provide for you and show you His presence--I just know it. You're in my prayers,
Leslie
Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement ~ Lace
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