Sunday, December 14, 2008

When Doubt Creeps In

Last night was the first night since my surgery that I can say that I got a good night of rest. When I awoke this morning, for a second, I totally forgot that I had even had surgery.

Shortly after awaking, I stumbled down stairs to make a strong pot of coffee. As I was filling up the pot with water a speck of red caught the corner of my eye. I peered out the kitchen window and saw the most brilliant cardinal perched on a frozen tree in our neighbors back yard. In an instant, I felt the hand of God on my left shoulder and the words, "It's going to be all right!". Then the words of Amy Grant's song, All Right. started playing in my head:
It's going to be all right, you give me what I need ~ That it's all right what may come. What strengthens hope my eyes will never see.
Just this morning as I was washing the misty visions of sleep away, the doubt was seeping in. Making me second guess my decision to have brain surgery. Why in the world would I put myself all of this pain and rehab? Couldn't I have lived with my symptoms forever, learn how to deal with it? And then, the vision of the cardinal ~ bold, scarlet, standing out in sharp contrast against the icy background, clear and inescapable. If you have been following my blog for a while I have mentioned the symbolism of the cardinal many times. Whenever I see them they send me powerful messages right on the spot.
ALL RIGHT ~ Amy Grant

Looking out to the hills
To the setting sun
I feel a cold wind
Bound to come
Another change
Another end I cannot see
But your faithfulness to me is making it
All right
I fall down on my knees
Tell me that it's all right
You give me what I need
Years of knocking on heaven's door
Have taught me this if nothing more
That it's all right, what may come
I've heard it said
When the river's running high
You get to higher ground or you die
Well muddy waves of pain
Washed over me
And it only made me see it's gonna be
When will I learn there're no guarantees
What strengthens hope, my eyes have never seen
But it won't be long
Till the faith will be sight
And the heavens will say
It's all right


Overflowing Brain said...

Hey Lace-

Glad you got a good night's rest. Feel free to shoot me any post-decompressions questions via email. I'm always happy to answer and even on vacation I spend a few minutes on email each day.

Hope things are going well.


The Gyrovague said...

Same here. If you want to know what is normal or not, are frustrated, or just wanna chat you know how to reach me!

Keep getting rest, keep doing as my Hero dori the fish and "just keep swimming, just keep swimming"... or if you dont like that think like Meet the Robinsons and "Keep moving forward"

And if those dont work for you I have many more. But the point is, keep at it and before you know it, all will be well.

lzwitty said...

Just spent a few minutes catching up on your last few posts. I had lots of deja vu moments reading them as I had a lot of the same thoughts as you did through the process. Having peace that we made the right decision, by putting it in the hands of the Lord, is such a blessing, too. The best advice I can give is to not overdo it. I know it can get VERY boring but you don't want to strain yourself either. Blessings~Leslie