Happiness is...

Happiness is thinking you are going to have to wait four months for a doctors appointment and getting one in TWO WEEKS! I am overjoyed today! Knowing that I will soon be meeting with a doctor that specializes in rare genetic disorders ~ knowing that soon and very soon I will be one step closer to finding a resolution to my Brain Tail problems makes me happy! The kind of happy you feel when you are a kid and all you want to do is run free and feel the wind in your face!

Wake Up Already

This video is too cute not to share and anyone who has a cat out there can empathize.

Into the Day

Random acts of kindness are greatly underrated ~ Today, first thing this morning, I fired off an e-mail to my potential genealogist's office with the information they had requested. In the e-mail I briefly explained my situation again, mentioned that determining if I have EDS was a matter of life or death. I kindly asked for someone to acknowledge receipt of the e-mail. Jaded by bad experiences in the past, I didn't have any expectations for a reply for at least a week. What happened next brought tears to my eyes.

Eleven minutes later, I received a response ~ the medical secretary thanked me for sending in my info and told me that she had already handed off the info to the powers that be in the office. She continued by saying that if I needed anything else to please call her. Some of you may be thinking,

"What's the big deal ~ there's nothing remarkable about her response!"

To me, her quick response and willingness to help me were like a warm embrace. I have been pitted up against so many rude, callused, inconsiderate, arrogant people recently I just turn into a puddle of tears when someone is nice to me. I replied back and let her know how much her kind words meant to me and she told me that they would be calling me soon with an update!

The art of practicing random acts of kindness still exist today ~ the woman I communicated with today didn't do anything special, but she was compassionate and I really appreciated it!

Into the Light ~ Bebo Norman

You could turn a hundred years and never empty all your fears
They’re pouring out like broken words and broken bones
They could fill a thousand pages, be the cry for all the ages
And the song for every soul who stands alone

The ache of life is more than you are able

Hold on love, don’t give up
Don’t close your eyes
The light is breaking through the night

Step out into the day, all the clouds and all the rain are gone
It’s over now
Step out into the sun, for you have only begun to know
What it’s all about
As the hungering dark gives way to the dawn, my love
It’s over now

Time will let the story told grow and grow ‘til it unfolds
In a way that even you cannot ignore
You can say the seasons change but never if you just remain
In a place where the freeze is at your door

What you don’t know is the signs are right for the turning tide

Hold on, hold on
It won’t be long
So hold on

It All Comes Down to DNA

Distant ~ quiet ~ mulling things over ~ Sometimes I just need some time and space to think. The deadline for my second level appeal is coming up in a couple of weeks ~ I need to be prepared to present my case. The first time I appealed my request for out-of-network surgery, the door was slammed in my face. Thinking back ~ I am sure that the powers that be looked at my file ~ saw my request and quickly denied me. Their thoughts were ~ she needs a garden variety decompression and we have someone in-network who can do that for her. On the contrary, my case is not even in the same galaxy as the garden variety surgery! So now ~ I am digging deep within myself so that the information I present is convincing enough to get the green light to TCI.


I still remember a college professor's comments on one of my final history exams. He was completely blown away by my essays on the final and he was convinced that I was an English major. (In reality, I was probably using grandiose words to try to cover up the fact that I wasn't completely prepared for the exam!) Seriously, the man was moved to tears by my essay ~ we are talking about history here ~ not a romance novel. Anyway ~ my point is, apparently my writing can have that effect on people every now and then. So, I will attempt to 'move' the powers that be ~ to help them walk a mile in my shoes ~ to show them my point of view.


The outcome will be up to them, but I am clearly praying for nothing short of a MIRACLE! I am looking for the express train ~ the fast track to TCI. Meanwhile ~ I am in the process of getting an appointment with a geneticist so that I will have concrete, medical proof that I have Ehlers Danlos. Nothing in this process has been speedy. With that in mind, if I actually secure an appointment with this geneticist I will be lucky if I get an appointment any time soon. You see, they are scheduling appointments FOUR months out right now ~ you do the math ~ we are talking MARCH of 2008. So ~ all along, everything has been leading up to focus on the building blocks of life ~ DNA. I may find out more about myself from a geneticist that I ever wanted to know.

Where Am I?

Between the now and the not yet ~ knowing and yet unsure ~ leaning forward and being held back by an indescribable force. Me, shaking my head (carefully, I might add as the brain tail doesn't like to be all shook up!)

How in the world did I get here again????

My head is spinning ~ true story ~ as I try to re-trace my steps ~ which doctor do I need to follow up with next? Did I already miss my deadline for my level 2 appeal? Is it time to step up to the plate and pay a visit to the Dept of Insurance? Feeling like I am losing touch with reality ~ so for my sanity ~ let me check the facts:

1. I have a Chiari Malformation herniated 11mm beyond where it should be

2. My insurance company won't allow out of network coverage

3. Chiari is a progressive condition and I am fearful of nerve damage while I wait for surgery

4. I officially have FIVE neurosurgeons ~ only one of them understands Chiari and the associated conditions completely and he's the one that I am not approved to see. He's the best of the best ~ the choice is clear ~ I just can't get there from here!

I have hit a huge roadblock ~ again ~ having trouble finding someone to do a test for Ehlers Danlos Syndrome ~ which, if proven ~ is the golden ticket to TCI. Today ~ I'm frustrated with the system ~ not feeling like I have any faith left ~ is there any clear way out of this???

In Better Hands

I had heard this song a month ago and had stored it away with high hopes of posting it after I got a surgery date. But you see ~ I have come to realize, in light of the fact that my last appointment didn't go as I had planned, that I have been in better hands all along. I keep looking for someone to swoop in and take care of my brain and maybe I should change my focus ~ No matter how little I may understand the path that I am on ~ it's just where I need to be ~ nothing more, nothing less.

The Carter Family was on Extreme Makeover tonight ~ I was very pleased with how they told their story. They even snuck a picture of the brilliant surgeons at the Chiari Institute. If you missed it, you can go to the full episode player on the ABC website and watch it. I loved that the design team focused on the dreams of the family members and honored their love for music. Something I have realized in battling with Chiari on a daily basis is that I have to keep focusing on my dreams or the waves that my brain tail creates will overwhelm me.

Something that Julie Carter has been able to do is to is to help people find answers about Chiari and offer emotional support. She claims that she is somewhat obsessed with Chiari ~ in this case ~ he obsession has been turned into passion. Here is her testimonial and that of her daughter, Jade . I know that ever since I found out about my brain tail I have been obsessed with finding out all the info that I can about my condition. I love research and there is so much to learn about Chiari ~ the possibilities are endless. With that being said, I have a site meter on my blog ~ I installed it in July of this year ~ and I have been floored by the number of people reading my blog ~ Seriously ~ I probably only actually know a handful of you. I never imagined that people on the other side of the world would read about my life.

So ~ to my readers out there in the universe ~ I pray that you are finding some answers by reading about my Chiari journey and hopefully finding some inspiration ~ some thread of hope. Only a few of you have left comments on my blog ~ please don't be shy ~ I would love to hear from some more of you.

In Better Hands - Natalie Grant

It's hard to stand on shifting sand
It's hard to shine in the shadows of the night
You can't be free if you don't reach for help
You cant love if you don't love yourself

There is hope when my faith runs out
Cause I'm in better hands now

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down
It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground
So take this heart of mine there's no doubt
I'm in better hands now

I am strong all because of you
I stand in awe of every mountain that you move
Oh I am changed, yesterday is gone
I am safe from this moment on

There's no fear when the night comes 'round
I'm in better hands now

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down
It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground
So take this heart of mine there's no doubt
I'm in better hands now

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down
It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground
Its like the world is silent though I know it isnt true
Its like the breath of Jesus is right here in this room

So take this heart of mine there's no doubt
I'm in better hands now
I'm in better hands now

Proud

Last weekend, both of my daughters competed in a cheerleading competition. In fact, my oldest daughter's team was awarded Grand Champions in their division and they are moving onto the next level ~ Regional Qualifiers in a couple of weeks. With all of drama of my brain tail going on, it has been a blessing and such a breath of fresh air to see the joy in my daughter's eyes as they are triumphing ~ winning!

Go Bison!

One Step Closer

I don't even know where to begin ~ The picture above says it all ~ My visit with surgeon #5 didn't go as I planned in my mind ~ but then again ~ who am I trying to kid ~ this is me we are talking about. If the shortest distance between two lines is a straight line ~ my route has been the polar opposite of short and straight!

I don't want to bore you with all the details ~ so I will try to sum up what happened yesterday. With my mom and husband in tow ~ after waiting for over an hour past my appointment time ~ I met surgeon #5. Mine was the last appointment before his lunch break ~ he looked tired and weary. I tried to sum up what has been going on with me since my Chiari discovery ~ he was tough ~ I stood my ground ~ basically he agreed that I have a significant Chiari malformation and I would definitely benefit from surgery ~ however ~ the other diagnosis that TCI gave me ~ he wants to debunk all of them.

As he was talking and it was clear that we weren't on the same page ~ he even lauded surgeon #4 (the Godfather)! I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I fought the waves of emotion coming over me ~ I felt as if I was stuck in a revolving door ~ going around and around with no exit in sight! Then ~ I heard a small, still voice voice within myself ~

"This is all as it is supposed to be ~ stay strong ~ hold your ground ~ I will carry you."

So ~ is summation ~ the next step is to get medical ~ concrete evidence that I do in fact have ehlers danlos. I am trying to schedule an appointment with a rheumatologist ~ apparently they should be able to do some kind of skin test confirming EDS. I am 99.9% certain that I do have EDS ~ I have all the signs. If there is a silver lining in here somewhere ~ when I test positive for EDS ~ then surgeon #5 will write a letter recommending that I absolutely go to TCI for surgery ~ they are best equipped to deal with stability issues. This all takes me one step closer ~

One Step Closer ~ U2

I'm 'round the corner from anything that's real
I'm across the road from hope
I'm under the bridge in a rip tide
That's taken everything I call my own

One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing

I'm on an island in a busy intersection
I can't go forward now I can't turn back
Can't see the future
It's getting away from me
I just watch the tail lights glowing

One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
Knowing, knowing

I'm hanging out to dry
With my old clothes
Finger still red with the prick of an old rose
Well the heart that hurts
Is a heart that beats
Can you hear the drummer slowing?

One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
To knowing

One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
To knowing, to knowing

Up To The Mountain

Today is the day ~ driving into work this morning the streets were shrouded by an early morning fog. The imagery mirrors my path ~ veiled in fog with street lamps along the way to keep me on the path. At this point, I don't know quite what to expect as I prepare to meet surgeon #5 ~ I just want him to take action ~ hear me out ~ schedule surgery ~ let's get the show on the road already!

My sister made me a birthday CD mix last week ~ this song instantly brought tears to my eyes ~ it echoes my journey ~ plodding up the mountain ~ the journey is hard ~ but with perseverance I will reap the benefits of the breathtaking view on the summit. It reminds me that I am not alone ~ some days are harder than others ~ but my friends and family give me the strength and courage to keep going. I first heard this song when Kelly Clarkson sang it ~ both versions are beautiful ~

Up To The Mountain ~ Patty Griffin

I went up to the mountain
Because you asked me to
Up over the clouds
Where the sky was blue
I could see all around me
Every, Everywhere
I could see all around me
Everywhere

Sometimes I feel like
I've never been nothing but tired
And I'll be working
Till the day I expire
Sometimes I lay down
No more can I do
But then I go on again
Because you asked me to

Some days I look down
Afraid, afraid I will fall
And though the sun shines
I see nothing at all
Then I hear your sweet voice
Come and then go
Telling me softly
You love me so

I've Been Invited to Believe the Unbelievable

I was blindsided by the lyrics of this song last night as I drove home from my meeting at church. This song came out around the time we made the pilgrimage across the country to put roots down in New York. How easy it is for me to forget how awesome my God is ~ He does the unbelievable ~ the inconceivable!! I am deeply humbled and grasp at finding a better perspective on my situation. A lot is riding on my appointment with surgeon #5 tomorrow!

A blanket of peace has covered me ~ I have already been spoken for ~ my mission here on earth is in it's infancy ~ there is much more to be done. So, whatever may come, I have peace that all is as it is supposed to be.

Great Expectations ~ Steven Curtis Chapman

The morning finds me here at heaven's door
A place I've been so many times before
Familiar thoughts and phrases start to flow
And carry me to places that I know so well
But dare I go where I don't understand
And do I dare remember where I am
I stand before the great eternal throne
The one that God Himself is seated on
And I, I've been invited as a son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and...

Believe the unbelievable
Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond my wildest imagination
Lord, I come with great expectations

So wake the hope that slumbers in my soul
Stir the fire inside and make it glow
I'm trusting in a love that has no end
The Savior of this world has called me friend
And I, I've been invited with the Son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and...

We've been invited with the Son
And we've been invited to come and...

Believe the unbelievable
Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond our wildest imagination
Lord, we come with great expectations

Time That Is Given To You

Frodo: "I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened."
Gandalf: "So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought." ~ LOTR

"The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air." Galadriel ~ LOTR

Take out the word 'ring' and replace it with 'brain tail' ~ I wish I malformation was ~ I wish I wasn't burdened with filling out wills and signing health care didn't even know what a chiari malformation was! Wish I wasn't dealing with filling out my will and health proxy's ~ but it's my life ~ like it or not. Somehow ~ the quote above is encouraging ~ I was meant to have it ~ I have enough strength to bear the load ~ to be able to stand up underneath the weight of the burden.


In the same breath ~ I know in my heart that a time of healing is just on the horizon.

He Will Carry Me

Hold tight ~ when all hope is gone ~ he is all the strength that I will ever need ~ He will carry me ~

I call, You hear me
I've lost it all
And it's more then I can bear
I feel so empty

You're strong, I'm weary
I'm holding on
But I feel like giving in
But still You're with me

(Pre-chorus and Chorus)
And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me

I know I'm broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You're always with me

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me
He will carry me

(Bridge)
And even though I feel so lonely
Like I have never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said You'd see me through the storm

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me
He will carry me
He will carry me

I'm Trying To Find It

My youngest daughter's birthday was yesterday. Since things have been super busy around our house, I had waited until the last possible moment to purchase her gift. So ~ I had a two hour window between dropping her off at cheer practice and picking her up. Time was of the essence.

Apparently these little fur balls are the latest craze ~ on E-Bay there were 91 items listed! I went to three stores ~ no Fur Berries in site. I was quickly running out of time ~ I was going to have to break down and actually talk with someone at the Customer Service desk as Toys R Us. I was desperate ~ they heard my plea for help ~ One of the employees scoured the store and came back with the one, lone fur berry left in the store. I was saved ~ I had found what I was looking for and the look on my child's face when she opened the gift was priceless! BTW ~ since the guy that found the toy was Phil ~ we named the Fur Berry 'Phil', too. Awe ~

Not only was this a successful mission, I discovered that even though my brain is falling out of my head, I can still drive at night and find where I am going. All it takes is some time and a lot of turning around. You see, I can't see that well at night ~ I am hoping that after my decompression my vision will improve. So driving at night, looking for a store with a vague address can be a total setup for a stressful event.

But ~ I had a mission and tried to stay focused. The more I drove around ~ looking for the toy store, the more turned around I became. I would pass the street I should have turned on, so I would take a left, turn around and then turn left again instead of right ~ talk about short term memory! I just had to laugh at myself and pat myself on the back for being out there to begin with.

So ~ note to self ~ next time ~ let someone else drive!

Stuck

In a world where there is a lot of bad things in the news, I frequently read the Wonderful News headlines. This one in particular ticked my funny bone and reminded me of my brain tail. Pepe Le Pew has stuck his head in a mayonnaise jar and can't get it out (this isn't the first time that containers have been deemed as not 'skunk friendly') ~ same story with my brain tail dawdling too long in my spinal cord.

Here is some random trivia that I have learned about this week ~ proof that even though my brain is falling out of my head, I am still learning stuff! Do you know which side of the car that your gas tank is on? Save yourself some embarrassment next time you borrow someones Jeep or drive a rental car. You see that little arrow next to the gas tank picture? That's which side your gas tank is on. True Story!

OK ~ I am a Native Texan ~ I know a lot about Texas history ~ but when it comes to NY ~ I am no so savvy. So ~ Columbus Day was on Monday ~ schools were closed, as was the Italian Bakery across the street from my office. Why, you ask? I'll tell ya ~ it was Columbus Day! If you are a Texan, you are probably shaking your head, WHAT? I don't get it! That was me ~ until my co-workers (sorry ~ I just couldn't resist sticking that awesome link in there ~ my co-workers are brilliant and we all have a really sick sense of humor ~ that image just makes me laugh!) got me up to speed on my NY history. Chris Columbus was Italian ~ of course ~ now I understand!

Who knew that a bear (click the link for the whole story) could sleep under a bridge? This not so little fella was scared by the oncoming cars on the bridge and fell ~ only to catch himself and crawl to the safety of the ledge underneath the bridge. After all was said and done, he was lowered down to safety in a net.

In the Mountains Again

Last week I had the chance to steal away with my husband and celebrate our anniversary early. We had most of the day to wander around the Adirondack wilderness. I don't know what it is about being up in the high peaks region, but I can't help myself ~ my feet want to wander into the mountains.

So ~ keeping in mind that I had vertigo, I tested myself to see if I could still climb. I took my time ~ enjoyed the beauty of the fall foliage ~ hugged a tree every now and then ~ talked to the brother rocks and sister trees. The view from the top was incredible and so peaceful. My experience that afternoon confirmed what I had already decided in my mind ~ I simply can't live life without being able to climb again ~ surgery will put me on the path again to climbing all 46 high peaks. I have a goal.

We took some neat pictures while on the hike and I will post some soon, but in the meanwhile, I found this link of someone who climbed the same mountain later that week ~ enjoy.

The Rhythm Is Going To Get You

I absolutely love this bird ~ what a free spirit! Snowball is a medium sulphur crested Eleanora cockatoo and he loves to dance and sing. He loves the Back Street Boys. No one taught Snowball to dance...he just heard this song and suddenly felt like dancing.

Still Dizzy ~ True Story

To my fellow Chiarians ~ avert your eyes ~ seriously ~ had to share how I have felt for the past two weeks ~VERTIGO~ with no end in sight! The medical community has reported that people with Chiari can slip into feelings of depression and deep despair. Just stare at the picture posted above long enough and you too will begin to feel a little crazy!

I wish I had taken the path to medical school ~ I guess there is still time to go back to school if I choose to do so ~ but seriously ~ after all is said and done ~ someone needs to find a cure for Chiari. I don't wish on anyone what I feel on a day to day basis. Let's find a vaccine ~ something!

Anniversary ~ With Many More to Come

I was entering my senior year in college ~ I had all but given up on love. I had my sights set on graduation and figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. I wasn't one of those people who had spent hours dreaming about what my wedding would be like some day ~ I didn't have any detailed plans for the future ~ I left lots of wiggle room for spontaneity and divine intervention. God had lead me thus far and I was willing to go where He directed me.

I was set up on a date for homecoming ~ I swore that it was the very last blind date that I would go on ~ When love was right, it would find me ~ I didn't want to waste any more time looking. Well ~ love walked into my life that night and decided to stay a lifetime. We got married a little over 2 years later ~ on this day thirteen years ago.

I can't remember what life was like before I met the love of my life ~ he is my rock, partner in crime, sounding board, the one who found a part of me that I just couldn't find. I thank the Lord for leading me to him.

I will be true to the promise I have made ~ To you and to the One who gave you to me

Exhausted

The pajama/sleepover was a huge success and I absolutely couldn't have pulled it off without the support of my family! Saturday started out as a typical ~ "I should stay in bed all day long" ~ kind of day. I awoke with a pounding Chiari headache and I was having a lot of pain in my legs which made it even harder to walk much less stand for several hours at a party.

My family took over for me for a couple of hours ~ Mom shuttled the cheerleaders around to their game ~ my husband feverishly spruced up the house and took care of picking up the cake and other party essentials. I took some heavy duty meds and took a nap for a couple of hours. I was having a battle with my brain tail ~ telling it to cool it's jets ~ not today ~ it wasn't an option for me to miss this party that I had planned ~ my presence was needed. Mind over matter ~ I am constantly amazed at the power of the mind to ignore pain and focus on what needs to be done.

Lessons learned ~ if you send out 18 invitations ~ expect them all to come to the party! Well ~ actually 2 couldn't come, but add my daughters into the count ~ that makes 18! Half of them went home at 8pm ~ the rest stayed up until 1am and were up at 7am ~ the party was a success. Mission accomplished.

Operation Sleepover Survival Mode

I think I seriously should have my head checked! I had a moment when I thought the only thing that mattered was to give my youngest daughter an uber pajama/sleepover party. My heart was in the right place, but my head, not so much!

So, I enthusiastically sent out 18 invitations ~ EIGHTEEN! Remembering b-day parties in the past I knew I could count on about half to RSVP and then some more would drop out at the last minute. Well, as of last night ~ it looks like 16 kids are coming ~ not counting my two darling daughters.

So ~ with the help of my dear husband and fun & with-it Mom, we will manage to pull off the party of the year! Hey ~ if I actually survive the weekend, maybe brain surgery won't look so daunting!

Miss You Like Crazy

We all have brain farts ~ it's our human nature ~ we have become avid multi-taskers. The result of this is a little short circuiting every now and then. Some go so far as to boast about how many tasks they can do at once ~ think The Cat In the Hat. That used to be me prior to my brain tail taking up residence in my spinal cord!

I digress ~ They say a mind is a terrible thing to waste ~

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they
decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong
with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about
the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were
physically okay, but might want to start writing things down and make notes to
help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later
that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife
asks, "Where are you going?"
He replies, "To the kitchen."
She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
He replies, "Sure."
She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can
remember it?"
He says, "No, I can remember that."
She then says, "Well I also would like some strawberries on top. You had
better write that down cause I know you'll forget that."
He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with
strawberries."
She replies, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will
forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast."

The sad thing about this story is that I totally identify ~ makes me feel like I should be in a padded room when I can't remember a thought I had just 2 minutes ago ~ what was my point? I know I had one? What I can't wrap my mind around is how devastating Chiari has been on my mind ~ seriously ~ I wish I was joking!

Don't Blink

I heard this new Kenny Chesney song today ~ really resonates with me and iterates what I have been thinking lately ~ Don't Blink ~

Everything in life has taken on a new and different meaning to me. This summer we took a family portrait for our church directory. During the family photo shoot I found myself wanting the photographer to hurry up ~ I could feel the water works welling up and I didn't know how long I could keep them back. Why, you ask, would taking a family photo make me cry? I'll tell you why ~ because in my mind I was thinking that this could be the last photo we would take together. Brain surgery ~ it's a risky endeavor ~ this time next year things will be very different!

That might have come off a little morbid ~ let me clarify ~ I know from lots of experience that there are certain events in life that forever change who you are ~ brain surgery is going to rock my world ~ there's no getting around that! Things are going to be different ~ but I am praying for changes for the good ~ a new lease on life ~ improvement in quality of life and renewal of strength.