Self Portrait ~ Incredible!

I have always had a deep respect and affinity for elephants. They are the gentle giants of the earth. I have read numerous stories about how incredibly smart creatures they are, but this is the first time I have seen a video of an elephant painting. What an amazing creature ~ just watch for yourself. Wouldn't it be neat to work with these incredible animals!

Holder of Precious Things ~ www.hulu.com

My first week back at work was a little rough on my body both physically and mentally. Getting up at 5:45 am was definitely a rude awakening since I was used to rolling out of bed whenever I felt like it for 3 months. Sitting in a rolling chair all day also took it's toll as I worked on finding way of sitting that was the least painful position. I have found out this week that I am finally able to discern and define the differences symptoms of a tethered cord and chiari/cranial settling effects.

Although the tingling/numbness in my arms and legs is gone I am still feeling stiffness and pain in my neck and the back of my head. This next week will be a doosy as the weather forecast is calling for a low pressure front to settle like a blanket over our area and bring rain off and on all week long. But on the brighter side of things I found a new and fun website yesterday. For an avid movie/TV watcher it's been fun exploring all kinds of old and new tv/movie clips. Check it out for yourself ~ http://www.hulu.com/ .

Here are some of my favs so far ~

Spoiler Alert ~ If you haven't seen JUNO yet don't watch the clip below.

I Want To Believe

More news on the new X-Files Movie, I Want To Believe. Did I already tell you that I am super excited about the cinematic reunion of Scully and Mulder ~ Chris Carter is already mulling over the idea of shooting yet a third X-Files based movie!

But six years after the series ended (and a decade since the last film),
the new movie promises to be a lot more straightforward than fans of the show
might expect. Written by series creator Chris Carter and his right-hand man
Frank Spotnitz — and stemming from an idea they'd been kicking around for years
— it's a stand-alone story, set in the winter of 2008, that Carter describes as
a ''suspense thriller'' akin to the monster-of-the-week episodes from the show's
early days. Gone is the occasionally baffling mythology — Black oil! Ice picks!
Bees! — that came to define the series. The new film is designed to satisfy the
faithful while courting a new generation of fans raised on Saw and Hostel. ''Oh,
it's a great relief to not have to reweave all the strands of the narrative,''
says Spotnitz. ''We just wanted to tell a really good story with characters that
we love.''

My fellow nerdling,sci-fi nut friend and guest blogger, E, are planning an X-Files road trip when the movie opens this July. You see, she lives in Virginia and I in New York ~ so halfway between the two is Moosic or Scranton, Pennsylvania. If anyone has a favorite place to eat in either of those cities, let me know. An extra bonus for the road trip would be to find a store that sells Shiner Bock beer ~ the Texan in me yearns for Texas beers in the heat of the summer!

In The Blink of An Eye

Today was my first day back at work. Wow ~ 12 weeks really flew by! After spending all day looking at a computer screen my eyes are feeling a little bit googly! Getting back into the swing of things wasn't as hard as I had anticipated and ~ shocker ~ my brain seems to be working better than before the tethered cord surgery.

Something unexpected that happened today was my re-introduction to my desk chair. Clearly, a swiveling desk chair doesn't seem threatening to the average person. I've never had a problem with my chair before ~ but now ~ every time I moved in the chair I winced. I never realized how much I rolled around in the chair during the day. Now I have to be careful not to accidentally fall off the chair or pull my back out of whack while sliding around my cubicle! Maybe if I put some googly eyes on my chair I will know where I stand with the chair. Hmmmm ~ I just might have to search for the perfect pair of googly eyes now!

During my drive to work this morning I heard the song, "In the Blink of an Eye" and realized how time really flew by while I was home recovering. Of course I had lots of grandiose ideas of projects that would keep me from being bored. I still have a long list of movies I have yet to see. Time totally got away from me! What's more amazing is that the memory of the pain I felt seems to have faded. There wasn't one time during my recovery that I broke down and cried from the pain ~ I wasn't expecting that reaction at all. I found out that my pain tolerance is pretty high. These things were encouraging to me. Press on ~ push through to the next obstacle. ~ Sigh ~ So, what's next? Waiting for my real life to begin ~ probably ~ but trying to stay in the here and now and not look too forward into the future.

"In The Blink Of An Eye"~ Mercy Me

You put me here for a reason

You have a mission for me

You knew my name and You called it

Long before I learned to breathe

Sometimes I feel disappointed

By the way I spend my time

How can I further Your kingdom

When I'm so wrapped up in mine

In a Blink of an eye that is when

I'll be closer to You than I've ever been

Time will fly, but until then

I'll embrace every moment I'm given

There's a reason I'm alive for a blink of an eye

And though I'm living a good life

Can my life be something great?

I have to answer the question

Before it's too late

Cause in a Blink of an eye that is when

I'll be closer to You than I've ever been

Time will fly, but until then

I'll embrace every moment I'm given

There's a reason I'm alive for a blink of an eye

If I give the very best of me

That becomes my legacy

So tell me what am I waiting for?

What am I waiting for?

In a Blink of an eye that is when

I'll be closer to You than I've ever been

Time will fly, but until then

I'll embrace every moment I'm given

In a Blink of an eye that is when

I'll be closer to You than I've ever been

Time will fly, but until then

I'll embrace every moment I'm given

There's a reason I'm alive for a blink of an eye

Googgly Eyes

A couple of weeks ago Christopher Walken was the host of SNL and I have to say that every skit, down to the very last one was hilarious! I especially enjoyed the one I posted above about the indoor gardener who's scared of his plants. His solution ~ put googly eyes on them so that he can establish eye contact with them. You just gotta laugh!

Shout to the Lord ~ Idol Gives Back

In a world that censors and tries to keep Jesus out of the school system ~ what an amazing victory as American Idol contestants sang Shout to the Lord on national TV this week.

Headache From Hell!

Just when I thought it was safe to act normal again I got slammed with a fierce headache as I awoke yesterday. At first I thought it was just a 'lack of coffee' headache ~ but later in the morning my vision started to blur and I felt the all too familiar pains of a fierce Chiari headache and a migraine brewing.

I still had some heavy duty migraine medicine so I took that naively thinking that would calm the beast. Long story short, the migraine medicine didn't do anything but make me feel loopy. I was curled up in a fetal position most of the day ~ wanting to die. What had I done to bring on a headache like that???? By the time John came home from work I was in tears and suddenly remembered that I had Morphine! So I took some and about an hour later the headache was beginning to diminish. The Morphine left me feeling super loopy and nauseated! So ~ yesterday ~ not so good ~ I am hoping for a much better day today!

These Are the Signs of Life

I awoke from an intense dream this morning. In my dream a good friend of mine was really upset and crying ~ she told me that someone very dear to her had passed away. When I woke up my heart was heavy and I was planning on e-mailing my friend as soon as I had a cup of coffee to make sure that she was OK. To my surprise, she beat me to the punch ~ there was an e-mail from her already in my inbox! Sadly, she was e-mailing me from a funeral of a good friend. JTM ~ sending you a big hug across the miles!

You might have read in earlier posts that I have a hard time getting to sleep. It's hard to turn my brain off ~ I believe that my brain tail is to blame most of the time. I have learned to follow up on dreams that pull at my heartstrings. As demonstrated this morning, there's a reason why people show up in my dreams. No wonder I am so exhausted in the morning! I have a theory that other people with Chiari malformations are also ultra sensitive to other's emotions ~ no matter how far away they might be. I know that no one in the medical community would verify this, but I have come to know that the brain tail isn't all that bad!

What a beautiful day it was today! While I was walking along the river I saw signs of life everywhere ~ munks (chipmunks), caterpillars, baby robins, geese, ducks ~ and some of the trees were beginning to bud, too! Much to my surprise, I have sun kissed shoulders to prove that I spent more than an hour under the blue skies and brilliant sun this afternoon.

I was checking out the site meter on my blog and was amazed how many hits I got last night after the re-airing of the Extreme Makeover about the Carter Family. I usually get about 40 visitors on the site a day and just in the three hours after the show aired I got 150 hits. Today so far I have about 111 hits. I am beyond thrilled that education about Chiari Malformations is getting out there ~ being educated about the disease is half the battle. Even though I don't agonize and blog daily about the pains of having a brain tail I am always thinking of those of you out there that also have Chiari. Remember, I still have my brain tail, but it's just not beating up on me as bad as before the detethering.

Good Mail ~ Bad Mail

I got a couple of letters in the mail today ~ two from my insurance company and one from the records department from the hospital where I was detethered. I always get a sick feeling in my stomach when I see letters from the insurance company. They were my giant to slay for so long ~ it's hard for me to have a complete attitude change towards them now that they are supporting me 100%. Actually ~ the last conversation I had with my out of network coordinator was almost comical. I really had to keep myself from laughing out loud on the phone.

I had called to get pre-authorization for numerous MRI's, a CT scan and a neuro-followup appointment in May. Her reaction was comical ~

"Certainly ~ just let me know what you need and I will write up the auths for
you. You know, people who come to us with Chiari (she pronounced it like
'chair-y') ~ we always send them to TCI ~ they offer the
most excellent treatment there!"

For those of you who have been reading my blog since the beginning, you know that it took a year and a half to get approved to go to TCI. I clearly have educated the insurance company and have hopefully paved an easier road for others in their journey to get to TCI. Anyway ~ the letters I got from the insurance company were approved auths for my appointment in May ~ yeah. It's so nice to get pre-authed without the whole red tape drama!

About 3 weeks ago I had sent a letter to the hospital requesting copies of my medical chart so that I would have the medical terminology for the findings during the surgery. Today the letter I received told me that in order for them to release my files I would need to send them payment for $123.55! SERIOUSLY ~ these are MY records ~ do copies and shipping really cost that much! How big is my file?! Anyway ~ maybe I will save some $$$ and see if they will let me read my file while I am in town for my appointment. What a conspiracy!

When I woke up this morning I was rudely reminded that my brain tail is still alive and kicking ~ me in the head! Go figure ~ there's a low pressure front moving in bringing frozen precip and rain tomorrow! Wish I didn't have those friendly reminders ~ I would like to just forget about my Chiari all together! The prospect of brain surgery still weighs heavy on my mind, but truth be known, even if I do have surgery there's no guarantee that I will not have any more headaches. I will have some peace of mind after my follow-up visit at TCI in May. Sigh ~

Number of Breaths

The calendar reads ~ April 1, 2008 ~ clearly mother nature is trying to fool me into thinking that springtime has officially arrived. The weather forecast today in the paper read ~ high of 63 degrees ~ so I gleefully put on some shorts and a short sleeve shirt, tied my sneakers, and threw on an anorak just for good measure. I headed down to the trail by the river and set out on a long walk.

The air was thick with humidity, there was a stiff breeze blowing off the river, my legs felt strong and my gait was quick. So this is what it feels like to feel 'alive'! It's been so long since I have felt this way ~ I finally feel like I am coming back to life. Chiari had really pulled me down to the deep dark pit and I didn't think I would ever be returning to the land of the living. But ~ here I am ~ living, breathing, pain free except for an occasional low pressure headache. Time heals all wounds ~ I am living proof. So for today ~ I am incredibly encouraged and hopeful.