A week has passed since my visit to the Chiari Institute. The shock is beginning to wear off, and now I am faced with trying to make sense out of all the information I received. Although I did get some pretty clear answers, and THREE surgeries are on the table, I am not quite sure what to do. What would you do? I am thankful that I "have time" to think about what the next step is. I'm not being forced by anyone to do anything right now ~ but on the other hand I wish someone would make the decisions for me.I feel as if I standing on the bank of a turbulent river. Once you take that first step, you are going to get wet ~ there's not doubt about it! There are just so many things to be considered with the risks of the surgeries and will they actually alleviate my symptoms for good? If not ~ why would I put myself and my family through all of this pain? So, while I am mulling over the pros and cons ~ I take great comfort in music. Funny how sometimes they just speak to my heart ~ like they were written with me in mind. I do have a hiding place ~ and I am learning to trust God more ~ but it's not easy...
Hiding Place ~ Steven Curtis Chapman
In the distance I can see the storm clouds coming my way, And I need to find a shelter before it starts to rain, So I turn and run to you, Lord, You're the only place to go, Where unfailing love surrounds me, When I need it most. You're my hiding place, Safe in your embrace, I'm protected from the storm that rages, When the waters rise, And I run to hide, Lord in you I'll find my hiding place. I'm not asking you to take away my troubles, Lord, Cause it's through the stormy weather I'll learn to trust you more, But I thank you for the promise, And I have come to know, Your unfailing love surrounds me,When I need it most.
2 comments:
Love your blog Lace. Thought those Katrina storm images might suit your situation somehow! The Chapman lyrics are perfect.
But truly...who can make this decision but you, John and God? Well no--free will and all that--it is ours to live. Something will become clear...an animal appearance, another song, a random conversation that you overhear, a dream, the still quiet voice in your ear.
I can only share what I envision and have been seeing since last fall: Your decision making process is like picking up pebbles from the sand. A strange, misshapen rock will interest you and you'll grasp it, put it in your pocket, make it your own.
If I trusted my intuition impeccably, I'd unfold the road map and plot my northern route through Tennessee and the Smokies in August. In my head I'm already doin' it....have already arranged an overnight stop with my friend, Tara (who sent the storm images) in Tennessee. And then I'll drive through Jonesborough and beseech the Foster Ancestors (now in spirit) on your behalf. I can feel many spiritual healers and helpers whispering their wisdom in your ears.
Me too, it seems... From my own birds' eye view (or bats' eye judging from the batty appearances last night only inches from my face and I hung out of my window, entranced with the light on the river five floors below) tethered cord seems to appear first as you wander the sandy surf.
Then? Wait on results and proceed to the next right choice. But DEFINITELY, I SEE YOU SWIVELING YOUR HEAD FREELY (no rods, no bolts, no screws) when your journey into physical wholeness is complete!
I love you...Mom
Storm is still raging. When you feel peace, you'll know what to do. It will come to you. I have complete trust that it will.
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