Fallen Into Shadow

There is evidence of shadow in my life ~ a great decision weighs heavy on my mind. Throughout my life, I have been an impulsive decision maker. Not about what kind of CD I should buy, but decisions about the big stuff ~ relocating to a different state, changing jobs, buying a new house, and matters of the heart. A swelling feeling will come over me ~ my heart races ~ I will get a feeling in my gut that tells me to act now ~ don't think ~ just do it! And yet, right now, I would give anything to have that feeling about my brain.

Maybe I am still in a state of shock. If the powers that be are saying that I need three surgeries, then why don't I feel worse? Where are the alarms and the flashing red lights? Could their diagnosis be way off? Were they smoking crack the day I visited their office? My faith is being tested. Maybe this is one of those times when I should be still and listen to that small, quiet voice that I can only hear when I slow down enough to hear it.

Falling into shadow does not really feel that good, but a shadow shows evidence of the sun. You can't have one without the other. The colors of the ocean come to mind. I'm talking about the vast range of colors that you see ~ blues, greens, aqua ~ the bands of colors blend together seamlessly. I have a feeling that one day I will wake up and just have the answer I was looking for, much like the blending bands of colors in the ocean.