Sunday, June 3, 2012

Approaching Storm

Elfin language:
Pres'tinin-The world is changing.
Hauranen bithnin-I feel it in the water.
Hunuthra meyahi-I feel it in the earth.
Ahustinin benilingi-I smell it in the air.

Storms in life seem to roll in and out like the tide. There's no stopping the endless thundering motion. Friday,
I found myself in a haze of deja vu as I sat patiently, waiting to hear my name called by a neuro-surgeon.

I've been putting off making an appointment ~ for about a year now ~ until my intrepid endocrinologist made an appointment for me.  I'm not a whiner or complainer, it's my first nature to grin and bear it ~ so that's what I've been doing for a while now. My doctor thought it would be a good idea for a local surgeon to get a baseline on me and keep an eye on me and my symptoms. Fair enough ~ but I wasn't really wanting to open Pandora's box, again.  

When the nurse walked in to gather my medical history I braced myself for a barrage of questions. I had to be thorough and brief at the same time or the appointment would have lasted several hours. I've got medical history and lots of it.! When she started questioning me about my surgery for Chiari I almost laughed at her when she innocently said, "your Chiari Malformation was removed during your surgery?" Seriously? It's not a tumor you can simply remove and go on with your life. I really wish the staff at neurosurgery offices would be a bit more educated on the afflictions of the patients.

I digress ~ after a battery of basic neuro tests, it was deemed that there wasn't anything noticeable wrong with me. Duh ~ a two hour MRI with and without contrast has been scheduled for a few weeks down the road. It will be good to check in and see what my Braintail has been up to. I'm not sure what to hope for. A part of me wants them to find a tumor that's been responsible for turning my life upside down. Another part of me wants them to find evidence of syringomyelia. My biggest fear is that the MRI will reveal nothing out of the ordinary. At this point I am needing something concrete ~ something to focus my anger on for causing pain again and again.

The irony of my invisible disease ~


ResilientHeart said...

Hi Lacie,

There is so much of this path I too have felt along the arduous TBI journey.

Putting off appointments, not wanting to walk back into the storm, dealing with a medical community that oftentimes does not 'get it', all those endless medical records, etc.

I've been there. It takes remarkable courage to just keep going.

Though the fierce, piercing cold winds blow and the sky darkens once again, the One who rules the wind and waves considers us worthy of the storm.

With all my heart, to a fellow storm walker.

Blessings, Love & Peace,

Cindy said...

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling! Praying that you can find an answer to give you pain relief, and that it is an easy solution! (Is there such a thing?):)