I See You

So after dealing with glasses most of my life, I finally overcame my fear and DID contacts.Or as to quote my favorite Sage ~

DO OR DO NOT ~ THERE IS NO TRY

This is no small feat ~ I am so freaked out about anything getting in my eye. Every time an eyelash drops in there I freak the freak out ~ seriously! If you've seen the FRIENDS episode where Rachel must have eye drops ~ that's totally me




I think I've always rationalized that my eyes were way too squinty to ever get contacts in there. I've been trying to do something that scares me, weekly, to try and keep myself feeling alive and growing. My first visit to the doctor was a total failure. I spent an hour trying to get the contacts in ~ I was blinking like crazy and couldn't manage to get the contacts past my eyelashes. I told my doc, if you can get contacts in my eyes, then I can ~ otherwise let's just end this struggle now. Well, with some creative maneuvering, she got them in.  I was determined to do the same. Since I couldn't master putting them in and out 3 times during my appointment, they wouldn't send me home with a test pair. After waiting two weeks, I had my second appointment to prove myself once again.

The second time I was more relaxed and determined. I kept hearing in my head ~ "Lace, you got this ~ you had freaking brain surgery ~ you can put contacts in your eyes ~ press on"
So I did ~ and they let me take home a couple of pairs to practice with. My next appointment is in a week ~ if I can prove that I have mastered putting them in and out several times, they will write me a script.  I've worn them every day since, anywhere from 4 - 12 hours and have done ok. Sure, there have been some tense, curse filled moments, but I've stuck with it. Practice is making the whole process a bit easier.

I still have to wear reading glasses to work on the computer and read, but it feel liberating to not need glasses. My eyes feel so much stronger and relaxed at the same time.  I challenge you, if you've always been curious about contacts, to DO contacts ~ it's totally worth it. Good to know I don't need a passel of friends to hold me down to get my contacts in ~ but I know they would if I asked....

Change My Life

Life is a journey, not a destination ~ I keep telling myself this over and over again. There is no smooth coasting time that last more than a day it seems. I continue to face challenges each an every day. Lately, with no big event that could have possibly causes a shift within ~ I've been plagued with VERTIGO.

Sure, I'm familiar with the occasional cycle of vertigo one day ~ headache the next ~ but this isn't what's been happening. I've got it non stop ~ like I've been on a serious Spring Break ~ off the rails ~ party till you drop cycle for a month now. I would make Captain Jack Sparrow extremely jealous ~ he would think I had definitely drank all the rum.

I've done a lot more research on causes of vertigo and anything that makes senses is cranial nerve compression. How do I make it stop?! This vertigo is way worse than anything I had before decompression back in late 2008. Maybe I've just had a very long migraine and vertigo is the side effect? To top it all off, my local neuro surgeon has come to the conclusion that there's nothing wrong with me. oi!

After all that's said and done, I guess I should give myself a break and be thankful that even with my world spinning all around me, I've found the strength to keep on keeping on and even try new things that are outside my comfort zone (stay tuned for the next blog entry)

The song ~ Change My Life ~ really hit home. I keep battling with God ~ just when I feel like it's impossible to put me back together, I am greatly encourage. But please start with my heart ~ it's in dire need of  healing.

Change My Life ~ Ashes Remain

I'm still awake tonight

I'm broken up inside

I want to run

but I don't know where to go

I'm calling Your name through the pain

will You turn Your face to me?

I'm crying out

I need a miracle

If You could make the sun burn through the night

and You could make the dead man come alive

if You could make the oceans all run dry

then I know You can change my life

I know You can change my life

I wanna know who You are,

that You can fix my heart

and I don't have to run anymore

open my eyes, let me see

give me hope and set me free

'cause I don't want to be the way I was before

Chorus

give me something to believe in

something worth fighting for

something that I can't ignore

You could make the sun burn through the night

You could make the oceans all run dry

Chorus

I need You to change my life

I need You to change my life