Embrace

How do I make peace with someone who is constantly betraying me? Just when I think we can be friends and work together in harmony ~ SHARK FARTS ~ there she goes and does it again!!! I continue to be disappointed, over and over again. How long am I willing to put up with trying to rely on someone who isn't dependable anymore?

I am sure by now you are wondering ~ who is she talking about and why is she still friends with this person ~ right? This has to be the most challenging relationship I have been in and it's a lifelong bond. Believe me, if I could take a vacation from my brain, even for an hour or two, I totally would!

I haven't blogged in a while and don't want this post to seem completely a downer ~ so let me go over the facts first:

1. I have a Chiari Malformation of which there is no cure (not yet...)
   
2. I had two surgeries in 2008 to put a halt to the progress of irreversible neurological damage caused by a kinked brain stem and my brain hanging out in my spinal column
3. I have cranial settling and need fusion surgery, but am battling osteopenia to strengthen my bones enough so that I can eventually get the fusion surgery
4. When I was released from the hospital after my brain surgery, my brain surgeon gave me this piece of advice. What ever you do ~ don't get in a car accident!
5. My car was rear-ended about a month ago when I was sitting at a red light.
6. Headaches and vertigo have moved in again

So you'll find me somewhere in the middle ~ again. I don't know how this keeps happening, but just when I think I have moved out of the middle, I find myself caught here again. I am certain that I don't want to go back and it's unclear where the next path is. This might explain why my blog has been quiet for quite a while sometime. If you look at the big picture, I am a poster child for successful tethered cord and decompression surgeries. I healed beautifully and gleefully went back to work within 2 months. My quality of life has greatly improved ~ some days I almost feel 'normal'.

Then I have a day like today when it's all I can do to keep from retreating to the bedroom, close the blinds and climb under the covers ~ praying that sleep will wash away the headaches. But I press on ~ I have a physical therapy session for upper body strength and balance in an hour. Maybe after that I can take my heavy duty pain meds...But this is only a temporary fix. What does this mean long term? Do I wait until December ~ see if my bone density increased ~ then what? Do I schedule a fusion surgery for the spring? If I get the fusion done will it actually help my headaches or make them worse?

So at this point ~ I am going in the direction of welcomed distractions ~ send them my way ~ please! One day at a time ~ I keep setting mini goals and keep putting things in my calendar so that I have many things to look forward to. Honestly, the best medicine for me right now is time with friends ~ laughter is a wonderful cure. Now, can we bottle that up and cure chiari with it????

***What's up with the zebra you ask? Well if u look at a zebra it's pretty much a horse ~ except for the stripes. Chiarians are kinda like Medical Zebras .