The Mother Ship Is Calling

Feeling much like the mother ship is calling me and I am resisting ~ vertigo has taken a hold of me this week and it won't loosen it's grip! If I didn't know for sure what was causing me to feel this way I would think that I was loosing my grip on reality!

I feel dizzy ~ lightheaded ~ it feels as if I am literally floating above my body! The fun thing about it is that the only thing I can do is slog through until it subsides.

Brain Tail Discovery Day

Today marks the one year anniversary of the date that I had my very first MRI and discovered that I had a brain tail. Oh what a joyous, shock filled moment that was to find out that I wasn't going crazy ~ that there was actually something causing my migraines, vertigo and other symptoms. I recall feeling numb for several days as I slowly digested the news that I have something in my head that would require brain surgery.

I went through all of the stages of grief ~ denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I think I have cycled through all of the stages over and over again throughout the year. I have been more than ready to go ahead and have the surgery done ~ but here I am a year later ~ one neurologist ~ five neurosurgeons ~ one ENT ~ one trip to The Chiari Institute ~ 3 MRI's later!

I can't help but be thankful that I am still functioning, can hold down a full time job, still keep up with the kid's buzy schedules, continue doing my life with the brain tail in tow. I won't lie to you, things have gotten a lot worse ~ incredibly worse over the past 365 days ~ but I know that there will be a solution soon ~ I have faith.

Here are some pictures of my brain tail ~ I wonder what it looks like now?

DOH!

For the Love of Doritos!

Shop Lifting Seagull - The top video clips of the week are here

Sam the shoplifting seagull. This is a true story ~ you can read all about it on Snopes.com. I just love how Sam the seagull oozes with self confidence ~ he definitely knows what he wants and knows where to get it. He can work a crowd if need be. The customers enjoy his stealth shoplifting visits so much that they are actually paying for the chips that he steals!

Camping

I am still brushing the wood smoke from my eyes, a feeling of calm has settled inside, my hurried pace of life has slowed a wee bit. Camping this past weekend was just what I needed ~ sleeping under the stars, sitting around a campfire and laughing with friends, hiking in the mountains ~ I could see fingerprints of God everywhere I looked. What an amazing creator He is ~ the fall foliage is almost at it's peak in the Adirondacks ~ the brilliant red leaves took my breath away! (The picture posted is the view from our campsite ~ I didn't take it myself)

When I drove up to the campsite, the park ranger informed me to be on the look out ~ the camp site was on bear alert ~ black bears had been sited in the camp. I guess my reading up on black bears was not totally fruitless ~ I knew what to do if I happened to run into one of them in the middle of the night. However, nothing prepared me for the incredibly mournful and creepy sound of the loons in the middle of the night! Think about any film where campers in the woods are attacked by some crazed woodsman ~ cue the creepy music ~ and you hear the loon ~ I nearly jumped out of my skin! The loon wail sounds very similar to the call of wolves and coyotes.

All things considered: bacteria water warnings, a blue heron with the wing span of a pterodactyl, scurrying creatures in the middle of the night, sub-zero Arctic temperatures, the assistant to the den-mother, tales of working in factories, headlamps the size of street lights, a couture armadillo purse, out gassing smores, coin-op showers and tons of other tales that will remain unmentioned to protect the innocent ~ I had a relaxing, spirit renewing weekend. BTW ~ no bears were sighted while we were there!

Cerebellum

I saw this today ~ brain tricks ~ really amazing how the brain seems to fill in the gaps ~ there's still hope for me!

EXTRAORDINARY BRAIN TRICKS - The best free videos are right here

Crash Helmet

I was packing up my car last night for my camping trip this weekend and tripped on the threshold, falling into the doorway. That middle toenail on my right foot ~ collateral damage ~ wasn't really serving it's purpose anyway! SERIOUSLY ~ I am having trouble walking these days ~ I run into things, trip over things that aren't there ~ I am feeling totally out of control of my own movements ~ not a good feeling.

The most frustrating thing about this is that I can't pin-point exactly what's causing the increasing chaos of my leg movements. Could be tethered cord, could be Syringomyelia (sear-IN-go-my-EEL-ya) or wait ~ I know, maybe it's because my brain is hanging out in my spinal cord ~ TRUE STORY!

Which leads me to the need for a crash helmet. Stumbling around in the forest at night with nothing but the light of my headlamp to guide me is going to be an adventure in and of itself!

Swirling Abyss

Note to self ~ try to plan bouts of vertigo on days when you are not pack for a camping trip ~ No telling what will end up in my bag! I would be better off letting Mr. Bean do my packing for me ~ see cute video below ~

Seriously, this week has been pretty rough for me ~ all week I have had vertigo, electrical shocks running up and down my arms, headaches, insomnia and ultra sensitivity to sounds. I should be the life of the party this weekend! I am looking forward to spending a couple of nights out under the starry skies.

Dizzy but Happy

I can see a clearing up ahead ~ FINALLY ~ I got an appointment for #5 neuro surgeon ~ yea! Like I had expected, I will have to wait a month to get in to see him ~ October 18th ~ but I am on the cancellation list. So, for today, I am extremely dizzy, but a happy camper.

Please Wait

Today ~ I called my PCP's referral office to find out if they had made an appointment with my 5th neuro surgeon yet. They have had a full week to set up an appointment for me ~ I have been more than patient ~ I don't understand what's taking so long! When I spoke with someone at the office, they told me that the referral went through and I was good to go. WHAT? Was something lost in translation???

Apparently ~ they had written down that I was able to get an appointment, even though it was a month from now ~ SERIOUSLY??!!! I informed them that I do not have an appointment, because the surgeon's office won't let patients make their own appointments ~ the doctor's office has to do it. So, very tactfully, I kindly asked my PCP's office to please make an appointment for me and call me back today with the date and time. So, shock of all shockers, they didn't call me back ~ still no appointment ~ I will have to call them again in the morning.

As you can probably imagine, by the time I got home from work today I was not in the greatest of moods. So I grabbed my running shoes and headed out for a walk on the trail. When I got in my car, my radio/cd player didn't have any sound coming out of it ~ nice ~ another annoyance to add to the day. By the time I got to the trail I was more than ready to hit the ground running to unload some of the built up frustration from the day. I turned on my Nano and glanced at the power gauge and it was on red with the tiniest amount of power left.

At that point ~ I lost it ~ I couldn't handle one more thing going wrong ~ and NOW ~ I was going to be on my run ~ all alone ~ in the silence ~ I just couldn't take it today. I went ahead and clicked my music to my 'inspirational mix' and started moving. The song that came on couldn't have been more perfect ~ Josh Groban's 'You Raise Me Up' followed by 'You're Never Alone' ~ Talk about hearing the words of God ~ and such a quiet reassurance that I am not alone in all of this and there are reasons for the obstacles that are beyond my comprehension.

"You Raise Me Up"

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;

When troubles come and my heart burdened be;

Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,

Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;

You raise me up... To more than I can be.

Higher Ways

Today at church the Bible passage written below spoke loudly and gently reminded of the truth in the Lord's words ~ His ways are higher than mine ~ he has perspective that I will never have ~ I have to trust that He has plans for me ~ Lean by faith and not sight ~ So hard for a mere mortal to digest ~ and like a child, I need the constant reminder from one who is much wiser than me.

Isaiah 55:8-9

8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Word of God Speak...