Be Still and Know That He Is God

Truth ~ truth finds a way of making it's way up to the surface. Truth wants to be heard. So truth be told ~ I have felt the effects of the brain tail creeping back ~ slowly oozing like toothpaste being squeezed from it's tube. Back of the head headaches, sounds are less and less tolerable ~ the brain tail barometer seems to be in tune with the low pressure fronts again. These are things I can live with ~ at least I don't have vertigo, numbness/tingling in my legs and arms ~ but nevertheless ~ I am feeling unsettled!

These symptoms do not make me a happy camper ~ I want to be focusing on recovery ~ getting stronger ~ moving forward. A part of me is kicking myself for allowing myself to believe in the unbelievable ~ to totally dismiss the inevitability of brain surgery. More than anything I am disgruntled with God for not making my path clear!

This morning at church I was reminded that God's timing is always perfect. Although I may never be able to understand why ~ time and time again I look back and see that His timing is perfect. Why didn't I go ahead and get the decompression over with on March 7th? The Surgeons wanted me to wait and see what effect the detethering has on my brain tail. Fair enough ~ they are the experts! Why have I been given this time to rest up and heal only to have brain surgery scheduled later this year? I don't have any answers right now ~ at least until I have new MRI's done of the brain tail in early May.

I have had some conversations with God today ~ I let Him know that I am impatient ~ I want to know some answers today ~ right now. I have been humbled once again by the fact that I can't possibly know what's up ahead when I have placed my life in God's hands. I trust His timing ~ my job is to be still and patiently wait..

Be Still & Know ~ Steven Curtis Chapman

Be still and know that he is God

Be still and know that he is holy

Be still oh restless soul of mine

Bow before the prince of peace

Let the noise and clamor cease

Be still and know that he is God

Be still and know that he is faithful

Consider all that he has done

Stand in awe and be amazed

And know that he will never change

Be still Be still and know that he is God

Be still and know that he is God

Be still and know that he is God

Be still. Be speechless.

Be still and know that he is God

Be still and know he is our father

Come rest your head upon his breast

Listen to the rhythm of His unfailing heart of love

Beating for his little ones

Calling each of us to come

Be still Be still

Somewhere in the Middle ~ AGAIN!

I blogged about this song back in August ~ and I am still somewhere in the middle. The lyrics resonate in my head over and over again. Over the past couple of days we have spent a lot of time with friends and family, celebrating the holidays. The ginormous elephant in the room (brain tail) has been brought up in conversation a lot, lately.

I don't mind talking about my surgeries that are on the horizon. Talking about my brain tail helps me mentally prepare for what lies ahead. People have often asked me if I am scared ~ the obvious emotion most people would be feeling. For most people, the thought of going to a hospital and dealing with needles and anesthesia are terrifying.

I think my primary feeling is more the feeling of being stuck in between the now and the not yet ~ wanting to surge ahead but patiently waiting for my turn. I am looking forward to ringing in 2008 tonight ~next year will be a new lease on life for me ~ the other side of brain surgery. Happy New Year blog lurkers out there and please, don't be shy, leave me a comment some time just to say 'hi' and don't forget to leave your e-mail address so I can e-mail you back!

Somewhere In The Middle ~ Casting Crowns

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle you'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who you're making me
Somewhere in the middle you'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender
Cause I'm losing all control

Fearless Warriors in a picket fence
Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep-water faith in the shallow end
We are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences
The God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for his
Or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and the Lord
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more

Somewhere in the middle you'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender
Cause I'm losing all control

Fearless Warriors in a picket fence
Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep-water faith in the shallow end
We are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences
The God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His
Or are we caught in the middle

Fearless Warriors in a picket fence
Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep-water faith in the shallow end
We are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences
The God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His
Or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Lord I feel you in this place
And I know your by my side
Loving me even on these nights
When I am caught in the the middle
Caught in the middle