The Captain

Last week we adopted a 6 month old kitten ~ this is my crack pot idea of a diet and exercise plan for our over weight Miss Kitten Britches (AKA Bellikins). The kitten was already named 'Kirk' for the famous Captain Kirk from Star Trek. He has a very bold personality and is always exploring wherever his kitten paws take him. We have decided to call him 'Captain', because it is more fitting than 'Kirk'. Also ~ Kirk is such a cuddly lil guy and he follows me around like a puppy dog when he's not engaged in a game of chase with Bellikins. I will post a picture of him soon.

Bellikins did not receive our new family member with open arms ~ she hissed, growled and snarled for about two days. He was so confused and couldn't understand why she didn't like him. Well, now, they are best buddies and are tearing around the house right now. Ahhhh ~ my exercise plan for Bellikins is coming to life ~ she's doing a lot of running around. But ~ here's the catch 22 ~ she's eating Captain's kitten food and he's eating her diet adult food!

Shadow and Light ~ Side By Side

The last couple of days have really been challenging for my brain to figure out where I am. According to the calendar, I was scheduled for my brain decompression yesterday and yet I wasn't there, I was home. I am thankful for answered prayers ~ for evading brain surgery for now, but still feel like I am waiting for that second shoe to fall. The facts are that I still have my brain tail and I just have to be aware of my symptoms.

For the most part, I am pretty symptom free, but this week I have had an occasional Chiari headache ~ not unbearable ones ~ but back of the head headaches. This past week I was probably the most active I have been since my detethering. I walked at least 4 times this week for an hour at a time and have been working out on pully machines at the gym to gain strength in my back.

On my walk on Thursday morning, the sun was shining brightly. As I was walking, with my back towards the sun, I noticed my shadow ahead of me. She was keeping time with my pace, but always ahead of me. Reminded me that shadows are evidence of sun. When I turned around to walk back towards the car my face was illuminated by sun rays ~ no more shadows ~ amazing how the sun can be just an one-hundred-eighty degree turn away!

Psssst...I've Hijacked the blog again

Shhhhhhhh. It's Erica again. Lacie doesn't know I'm here so don't tell her.

March 6, 2008. Lacie was supposed to have her invasive surgical traction today. I am just so thrilled that she isn't under the knife right now I had to say it. :) And even if my little friend has survivor guilt, I'm pretty effin' glad she survived to be my friend and to be the inspiration she has been to so many.

Let her know.

Project Slimdown for Miss Kittenbritches

I found the LOLCats website last year and some of the pictures were priceless. The one on the left with the 'FAIL' caption had me laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face and my co-workers seriously thought about committing me to the crazy farm!

So, being the curious creature that I am, I wanted to see if I could replicate the picture with my cat ~ seems easy enough ~ unwrap some cheese and drop it on the head of an innocent four legged bystander. To my surprise, Miss Kittenbritches just stat there and posed just long enough for the 'PASS' photo shoot!

Now that you have seen that my cat is up for new and exciting things ~ we have strict marching orders from the vet to trim THREE pounds off of her in six months time. The conundrum here is that unless there is fresh food in her bowl at all times she sulks around the house meowing and making all kinds of noises. This is particularly annoying since I am home all day with her. Anyone out there have any suggestions on how to make this dieting thing more of a game and less of a long drawn out starvation march????

I am hoping that once the snow melts that she will remember how fun it is to chase butterflies and chatter with the crunchable birds. Of course, a kitty tread mill would solve all of our problems ~ I will keep you posted on her progress ~ 16 pounds ~ looking for that 13 pound trimmer version of herself. Goodness ~ I think she weighs more than my 10 month old nephew!

Survivor

What does it mean to be a survivor?

noun ~ one who lives through affliction
verb ~ to remain alive; to carry on despite hardships or trauma; persevere; to live; persist; to cope with a trauma or setback; to outlive

Considering the definitions above it's safe to say that I am a survivor. I can add 'spinal detethering survivor' to my growing list. But wait ~ since I have avoided brain surgery does that make me a 'brain surgery survivor?' Those of you who have had brain decompression probably totally don't agree with me at all ~ and I totally understand where you are coming from. It's a right of passage!

The old survivor guilt feeling is creeping back again ~ I know ~ it sounds narcissistic ~ but I know this feeling. I felt it when my brother died when I was two years old. Why was I left here on earth to live and he died? Then again I felt cheated when my labor/delivery of my first child ended in an emergency c-section to save both of our lives ~ again ~ I survived a near death experience ~ but felt cheated out of going through the whole natural child birth experience. That's a HUGE right of passage ~ I was up for the challenge ~ but God had other plans for me.

This brings me to today ~ it's been exactly one month since my spinal detethering. They knocked me out ~ opened up my back ~ exposed my spinal cord ~ detethered me ~ then I woke up. Alive ~ survived ~ again. I spent 17 months preparing myself for the decompression brain surgery that was scheduled for March 7, 2008. I was ready to hunker down and just muster through it all. Then ~ all of the sudden ~ my surgery has been canceled and I don't have any more Chiari symptoms! Just because I don't feel the effects of my dear brain tail doesn't mean it's gone ~ it's still there, but now it's fully hydrated and happy. My brain tail has received a last minute stay of execution from a call from the governor ~ so the brain tail has survived a near cauterization! Survivor

You can dismiss my post as the rambings of a fully hydrated brain tail ~ me, I am pondering my responsibilities as a survivor and how I can give back others who are going through hardships and trials.

Inspired by the Academy Awards

Over the weekend I was inspired to throw a small Oscar's party. I wanted to cook food items that were thematically tied to the nominees. Surprisingly, I found enough energy to pull it off. I made a palette cleansing blueberry-lime granita in honor of the blue slushies in JUNO. The main course consisted of a One-Pan Ratatouille in honor of the Academy Award Winning animated film bearing the same name and warm french bread in honor of the loaves of bread in Michael Clayton. Dessert was a shout out to There Will Be Blood with a banana-caramel milkshake. The centerpiece in the middle of the dining room table was scattered with past Academy Award Winning films and several boxes of orange tic-tacs ~ again with a shout out to JUNO.


This year, I felt pretty prepared for the Academy Awards ~ I had seen all nominated films with the exception of No Country for Old Men ~ which I have no interest or intention of watching. Just this past weekend I finally watched Eastern Promises and Michael Clayton. After the results of the Golden Globes were revealed it was pretty obvious who the favorites were going to be at the Oscars. I had already accepted the fact the No Country For Old Men was going to win best picture and probably scoop up a handful of the coveted gold statues, but I had my favorites for other categories.

After seeing Viggo Mortensen's incredible performance as a Russian mobster in Eastern Promises he became my favorite for Best Actor. I was hoping that there would be a big upset with the Best Actress going to Ellen Page (JUNO). A girl can dream, right? I would have loved to see Cate Blanchett win in the supporting actress category ~ I felt very strongly against the fact that Tilda Swinton was nominated also. So ~ I was disappointed with several of the winners that were chosen and I was elated with a few wins ~ like Best Musical Score (Atonement) ~ Song (Slowly Falling from ONCE), Writing for Original Screenplay (JUNO) ~ Best Animated Film (Ratatouille) Best Actor (Daniel Day-Lewis) ~ and kudos to the Bourne Ultimatum for picking up three Oscars!


There are still some Oscar nominated films for actor/actress performances that I still want to watch ~ I am hoping for more up lifting/thought provoking films for next year and less blood and violence.

Solo Drive

Funny how I type in 'solo' into Google images and it brings up Han Solo ~ I just couldn't resist ~ I am such a child of the 80's! I digress ~ I have been plagued with insomnia the past couple of nights ~ I am blaming the lunar eclipse. So, since I am currently on disability and busy recovering and resting I rolled out of bed around 10:30 this morning. After grabbing a strong mug of coffee I sat down at the kitchen table and put down on paper the long 'to do list' I had been compiling in my mind while tossing and turning all night long. Ahh ~ instant relief to have dumped all that data.

I made several phone calls, crossed off at least half the items on my list. I looked out the window at the sunshine and thought for the first time in three weeks that things are beginning to get back to 'normal'. On a whim, I called to make a hair cut appointment and was elated to secure an appointment 2 hours after I made the call. My first solo driving outing was about to commence.

You see ~ my recovery instructions have been pretty vague. Don't do anything that hurts ~ duh ~ and you can't go back to work until 3 months after your surgery. OK ~ well what about when can I drive? I answered that question this afternoon ~ about three weeks. Backing out of the driveway almost felt like when you are a teenager and you are giddy with the idea of borrowing your parents car to drive around the block! To my surprise, it didn't exactly hurt my back to drive, but I did feel a little tired and slow to react to my surroundings.

So ~ mission accomplished ~ I re-established faith in myself today that I can drive ~ even if it's just a couple of miles down the road. Having that freedom is priceless to me since I have pretty much had to be chauffeured for the past 3 weeks. Also ~ as a bonus had my hair cut for the first time since December. Nothing drastic yet ~ at least not until I am officially cleared by TCI of the potential for brain surgery any time in the near future.

One and Two Weeks Post Op

I have had many a request for pictures of my surgery site ~ so here they are! I have posted the photo towards the bottom of the post for those of you who are squeamish ~ I promise ~ all things considered the pics aren't bad at all! My question is how long is it going to take to wash off the pen mark they made on my back???

Just in case you are not quite sure what you are looking at, the photos are of my mid and lower back. Even after all the links and lengthy info regarding the surgery many of you still thought that the surgery site was in my neck ~ true story! I am amazed how the detethering has alleviated almost all of my symptoms ~ and I am still in awe of the brilliance of the TCI docs. My next step is figuring out how to tactfully write a letter to my four local neuro-surgeons to let them know the outcome of my surgery. Mostly I want to educate them on the correlation between the tethered spine and the brain so that other Chiarians like me might avoid brain surgery!

I am still trying to ease into the whole 'recovery ' mode of resting and relaxing. I am off all pain/muscle relaxant meds and yet every night I am having these uber intense dreams with intricate and complex plots. I wake up exhausted from my dream journeys. At first I attributed the dreams to the Morphine ~ but now that I am not taking it anymore I am perplexed. Maybe since my brain tail has plenty of CSF it's going into overdrive ~ anyone out there have similar experiences?

Walk By Faith

I was under the impression that after surgery the path would be clear ~ I was so wrong. Just a little reminder to me that Christ is in charge of my life and not me. I couldn't be more confused ~ it may be because of the haze of morphine ~ but still ~ what am I supposed to be doing right now?

TCI told me yesterday that I should expect to be out of work for a total of THREE MONTHS! Are you kidding me? I am already frustrated to be trapped inside of a weak body ~ my mind getting more clear every day and I have delusions of grandour of me running again ~ just going to have to hold onto that dream for a while. Meanwhile ~ I have to keep reminding myself that I have to continue to walk by faith and my path will be revealed.

Walk By Faith ~ Jeremy Camp

Will I believe you when you say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to RID my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With the one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

yeah, yeah , yeah, yeah, ya

well i will walk by faith
even when i cannot see
because this broken road
prepares your will for me

Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
(Repeat)
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Hallelujah, hallelu


I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith,
I will walk by faith
I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith,
I will walk by faith
I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith,
I will walk by faith
I will walk by faith
I will walk,I will walk
Faith
I will walk, I will walk by faith

This broken road bears your will for me ~

Disbelief

I am finding myself shaking my head from time to time during the day ~ where am I? Did I really just have spinal detethering surgery a little over a week ago? Did the Giants really win the Super Bowl? Maybe it's the effect of Morphine and muscle relaxants that are warping my mind.

The first couple of days after surgery were really tough ~ but sage advice from fellow Chiarians who have been detethering ~ the more you move the better you will feel ~ proved to be absolutely true. I am really looking forward to getting my stitches removed tomorrow morning ~ I am giddy with the idea of taking a shower on Wednesday, February 13th ~ maybe that will help me feel more human and grounded.

I may be pushing my luck ~ and I am known to do that from time to time ~ but today is my first day without morphine. I am hoping I can substitute Tylenol or Advil and get the same relative pain relief.

I feel like I am in this weird time warp vortex right now. I still have brain decompression surgery for March 7th on the calendar. I am supposed to be in Long Island a couple of days before surgery for MRI's, doc appointments and invasive cervical traction ~ sounds like an awesome vacation ~ right?!? But, wait, Dr. M told me to wait three or four months and let's see what happens. What do I do with that information? Can I have that in writing!! I fear that I will be forced to go ahead with the next surgery even though I might not need it.

My plan is to wait another week and then call TCI and see what my next step should be. So far, I haven't had one Chiari symptom since my surgery ~ I believe in miracles ~ If my brain tail decides to crawl back up into it's cranial compartment this could be the biggest miracle of my lifetime!