During my life journey, I have moments of feeling like the walls are closing in on me ~ much like this picture. There is only one way through ~ no where to turn ~ the walls are high on both sides. Extreme focus is needed to persevere. I don't particularly like these types of passages, but in the same breath, I know that they will pop up along the way. Press on ~ and keep moving!Am I trying to hard? SERIOUSLY! Who spends time and energy pushing for spinal and brain surgery? Have I completely lost my freaking mind?? Yes, it's true my brain is sliding out of my head, but SERIOUSLY!! I had a good heart to heart talk with God last night ~ harsh words were exchanged on my part ~ I asked why my path is so unclear and rough right now? I asked him to make things a little more obvious so that I know that I am doing the right thing. His response:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight" ~ Proverbs 3:5-6
Hello ~ did I not mention ~ clarity is needed ~ this sounds like I have a lot to learn about 'trusting with all my heart'! So ~ my goal while I am on vacation is to cast my worries and concerns to the wind ~ be still and quiet ~ and renew my trust in the Lord.
You deserve a wonderful vacation. SERIOUSLY! I hope the ocean can take you to that quiet place inside that's full of wonder. Dip your toes in the water for me. xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteI totally understand where you are coming from. I had a heart to heart talk with God the other night and I kept asking why, why, why, and so on.... I cried alot which is something I try not to do because it only makes my head hurt worse. I just feel like He has left me because the more I ask why the more of what I hear from Him is silence. Yep zippo not getting any feedback which makes me feel more alone. The more I ask why the more things seem to break around here and take more of our money that we don't have to spare. So I am pretty much standing still on a small piece of board in the middle of the ocean with raging waves and no hope in sight...sigh...
ReplyDeleteI hope your vacation is relaxing and renewing. Trust is an interesting thing. I thought I trusted God prior to Chiari, but then I found that my trust levels were majorly tested.
ReplyDeleteHowever, these tests are the one reason I don't regret Chiari. My faith has stregthened and healed in ways I never knew I was broken.
I love the verse you quoted btw, it is one of my favorites. Ofcourse the other is Isaiah 40:30-31 for obvious reasons.
take care of you, Q
Hey peanut! I need the latest brain scoop when you come back. I know it's a mess for you now..but I'm almost 8 months post surgery, and I'm pulling 20-70 lb weights at PT now. I'm feeling really almost normal. And I'm pulling for you, too....
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